u/eatmorechole

there are a lot of full syllabus tests of new light on telegram. does anyone know if they're good enough?

I don't think I ever want to go through this again. Its just constant anxiety,like this bg noise in your head that never shuts off. Always scared about whats going to happen, whether you'll remember everything, whether all this effort will actually pay off.

The worst part is studying something, feeling like you have got it and then completely blanking on it a few days later. Especially with biology. its like you revise and revise and still forget random details. Or solving a question correctly once and then messing it up later…

Im so tired of this cycle. I just want it to be over now

We have had this househelp at our place for as long as I can remember,we call her Chachi. She has been there since before I was even born(I'm 19 now)

Growing up, she basically took care of me. My parents are doctors, so they were always busy and she was the one who stayed w me everytime they had their night duties, getting me ready for school, packing my tiffin, making sure I reached the bus stop, even giving me breakfast every single day. It was just… routine. I never really thought about it.

Even when she got really old (she must be 90+ now), she wasnt what youd expect. She was active, always walking around, making tea, talking, just being there.

But over the past few years, things had already changed in a quiet way. She wasnt really working anymore. Still, she kept coming every day, almost like a habit or a ritual. She would come, sit, talk a little, make chai for us, sleep at our place and then leave the next morning .

Recently, I came back from hostel and found out she fell down somewhere and broke her bone. Now she cant walk anymore and probably wont be the same anymore. And she's at her house now.

The other day, she came for her treatment at our hospital, I saw her standing downstairs because she couldnt come up. My mom, neighbours and I went to meet her there. And it just didnt feel real. I have never seen her like that. felt like crying but didn't cuz everyone would just say that I'm making a big deal out of it.

She used to live in our house, be part of our everyday. And now suddenly… she's not there anymore. There's just this empty space where she used to be.

Its a diff kind of sadness, not something you can easily explain to people, it's sitting somewhere in the bg.

I dont really know who to talk to about it, so Ig Im putting it here.