I would love if someone could give me a general reading, or see if they can see anything about him/us in my energy. I have never met this person. But I saw him in my dream and knew, and said to myself yes this is my husband and I know because of (x,y,z reasons). Can anyone read anything?
I am 31 years old and I’ve been in therapy for all of my adult life. Naturally I strong boundaries with most of my family members especially my mother because unfortunately, I spent a lot of years in my life trying to repair a relationship that was never going to be healthy. My grandparents live far away. I’ve never had a good relationship with my father. My siblings and I have been estranged for 15 years because of our parents.
I got married and had kids very young and as a result got divorced very young and I have been single some time. I’ve tried dating, and can’t seem to find connection with anybody available or healthy. People that are available and very interested in me I don’t feel an emotional connection with. Those I do feel an emotional connection with are either in a relationship or maybe not the healthiest choice for me emotionally. I feel like I have really high standards now after everything I’ve been through and I know exactly what I want, what I’m looking for, what I want to feel and how I want to be in a relationship and the only avenue that I have finding that is on dating apps and I can’t stand them.
I don’t mind spending time alone (duh) but the idea of being alone for the rest of my life and the love that I experienced in relationships in my teens and early 20s mostly being a product of trauma bonding or having unhealed attachment wounds has been haunting me lately. I’ve put in all this work to recover from the trauma of having an abusive and neglectful childhood. I’ve done so much work to try to understand myself and discover what it is about me that makes me unique and different from most (turns out it’s neurodivergence not just trauma).
Ive worked really hard to give myself and my kids stability. I have a career in behavioral health where I’m helping people. I have a handful of friends that I’m very close with. But otherwise am alone and on a day like Mother’s Day it hits me really hard. It’s hard for me to not feel like this is not what I anticipated my life to look like. I know I’m still young and I have plenty of time but life is so short and things change so quickly and we never know what tomorrow will bring. I guess I just wish I had finally been able to make for myself a happy home and family that I didn’t have when I was a kid for myself and for my own kids. Maybe I was too harsh on my family members for cutting them out. Maybe I was too quick to shut people out that wanted a connection with me, but I assumed it wouldn’t work because of their lack of intellectual or emotional depth. At least they provided me some sort of comfort and a desire to be with me or be loving towards me.
Being an INFJ on the spectrum with a lot of childhood trauma I think I am not the easiest person to understand or at least I’m not the easiest shell to crack. I think in some ways my obsession with psychology and personality analysis and the subconscious has unfortunately put me in the position of therapist too often in my relationships. I find most people just never spend any amount of time self reflecting or really paying attention to who they really are or who they’ve been. I don’t know what it is about me, but it all comes to the surface when people get together with me and then I have to help them sort through it and I don’t want to do that anymore.
Am I too critical? Am I just better off alone? Is there actually hope for lifelong, true love? I love my kids and I love my friends. Maybe my dream of a companion and family is rooted in just some disney fairytale clinging on from my childhood.
A lot of the kinks that I found annoying about the game when it first was released to have worked itself out and I do enjoy playing up to the modern age as soon as I get to the modern age I get very bored and feels like everything interesting that was happening in the first two errors goes out the window. Does anybody else experience this? How do I make the third era more fun and engaging. I feel a little stuck.
