ADHD is as heritable as height. I don’t feel guilty she’s tall. Working on the rest
I’m pretty sure my daughter has inattentive ADHD. And for a while, the guilt was quietly eating me alive.
My husband — who does not have ADHD — asked me recently if it’s genetic. I told him it’s about as heritable as height. Up to 80%. He just kind of nodded and moved on, but I sat with that for a while.
Because I’m tall. And my daughter is tall. And I have never once, not for a single second, felt guilty about that.
I know exactly what it’s like to be a tall girl. I know which stores carry the jeans with the long inseam. I know the comments people make. I know how to carry it. And instead of guilt, what I feel about her height is just… readiness. I’ve got her. I’ve been there. I can help.
So why is ADHD any different?
I didn’t choose this for her. I couldn’t have prevented it. And just like height, it came with some things that are genuinely hard — and some things that, once you understand them, start to look a lot like gifts.
The guilt isn’t completely gone. I’m working on it. But reframing it this way helped me shift from I’m sorry to I’ve got you — and that feels like the right direction.
Anyone else navigating this? Would love to know how other ADHD parents are making peace with the heritability piece.