Do you feel this too?
I wanna know, if I am alone in my feelings. Because I feel so alone.
I(F30) left my husband(M34) 3 months ago. We have been married for 6 years, he has emotionally abused me for 4-5 years. I have been quite strong I would say, when it comes to being firm in my decision, to not go back to him. That is till now. The divorce papers is now on the way, but all I can think about now, is him! I love love love him so much, and I miss him terribly and all I can think about now, is that I want to go back to him. I cried so much these past days, that I couldn't breathe. The pain is horrible!But when I think about living with him again, then I can feel it in my body, that I shouldn't. But at the same time, I can't imagine not hearing his voice again! I am so in love with him, and I hate him so much at the same time. He feels safe, and unsafe at the same time, I want to kiss him so bad, but at the same time, it feels wrong. I can't imagine my life without him, but I also cant see a future with him, that will necessarily make me happy.... this traumebond is killing me, and I feel so trapped, alone and sad. I want to be happy but I cant... do you feel this too? And when does it get better?
Ps. Sorry for my english, english is my third language.