u/dmesau

I’ve recently gotten diagnosed and just started treatment this week. My CD4 count is at 64. My doctor didn’t seem worried. I want to help my body and immune system as much as possible. My doctor suggested I get on a Mediterranean diet. I decided to stop smoking 420 to keep my lungs healthy. What supplements, holistic medicine, or exercise routine have helped you? I’m trying to keep a positive outlook and the diagnosis is pushing me to be the healthiest I can. Any help or suggestions.

There was a point in my life where everything looked right.

On paper, I had done what I was supposed to do.
I had the house. A brand new one.
A car. A good job.
A wife. Kids. Stability.

If you saw my life from the outside,
you would probably say I was living the American dream.

And maybe I was.

⸻

But inside, something didn’t feel right.

⸻

I wasn’t in pain.
I wasn’t struggling in the way people usually talk about struggle.

I was just…

empty.

Numb.
Confused.
Unfulfilled in a way I couldn’t explain.

⸻

It felt like I was moving through life on autopilot.

Wake up.
Work.
Provide.
Repeat.

Like a zombie just living life.

⸻

The part that really got to me wasn’t the emptiness itself.

It was the fact that I didn’t know who I was.

⸻

Not in a deep, philosophical way.
In a very simple, real way.

If someone asked me something basic like:

“What’s your favorite…?”

I couldn’t answer.

⸻

Not because I was overthinking it.
But because I genuinely didn’t know.

I didn’t know what I liked.
I didn’t know what I wanted.
I didn’t know what felt like me.

⸻

I knew the life I had built.

But I didn’t know the person living it.
⸻

Looking back, that was the beginning of everything.

At the time, I didn’t call it truth.

I just felt like something was off.

Not wrong enough to break everything.
But not right enough to feel at peace.

⸻

That quiet tension stayed with me.

It didn’t go away when I distracted myself.
It didn’t go away when I focused on responsibilities.
It didn’t go away when I tried to just be grateful for what I had.

If anything, it got louder.

⸻

I started questioning everything.

Not in a dramatic way.

Just small questions at first.

Who am I, really?
What do I actually believe?
What do I want?

⸻

And every time I asked, I ran into the same answer:

I don’t know.

⸻

That’s the part people don’t talk about.

Truth doesn’t always come as clarity.

⸻

Sometimes it shows up as confusion.

As the realization that the life you’re living…

doesn’t fully belong to you.

⸻

My journey to finding my truth wasn’t quick.

It wasn’t one moment.
It wasn’t one realization.

It was layers.

Realizations stacked on top of each other.
Letting go of things that didn’t feel aligned anymore.
Questioning identities I had been carrying for years.

⸻

I had to actually go out of my way to discover who I was.

I explored different tools.
Astrology.
Numerology.
Human design.

⸻

Not because I was trying to become something else.

But because I had become so disconnected from myself
that I needed something to help me remember.

⸻

I started reconnecting with my inner child.

The version of me that knew what I liked
before I learned what I was “supposed” to like.

⸻

Piece by piece,
I started uncovering parts of myself
I didn’t even realize were there.

⸻

And it didn’t happen on the surface.

It took going deep.

⸻

Deeper than I was used to.
Deeper than was comfortable.

It took uncovering parts of me I had ignored, avoided, or outgrown.

⸻

Letting go of things that no longer brought me joy,
even if they once made sense.

That’s how I found my truth.

⸻

Not something given to me.
Something uncovered.

⸻

Over time, I started to see a pattern in how I experienced the world.

My truth wasn’t just something I felt.
It became something I could understand.

⸻

I began forming a framework around it.

Not a rigid system.
Just a way of making sense of what I was living.

⸻

And what I realized is this:

Truth isn’t as simple as we’ve been taught.

⸻

There are a few principles that changed everything for me.

⸻

1. Ultimate truth is found within.

Not in what you were told.
Not in what you were taught to believe.
But in your own direct experience.

⸻

2. Truth is experienced subjectively.

Two people can live through the same situation
and walk away with completely different truths.

Truth is lived, not assigned.

⸻

3. Truth evolves.

What was true for you five years ago
may not be true for you now.

Your truth expands with you.

⸻

This is why it matters.

Because only you hold your truth.

⸻

There is no one else that can give it to you.

I’m not here to tell you your truth.
I don’t know it.

⸻

Truth isn’t owned.
It’s discovered.

⸻

And it requires something from you.

You have to want to find it.

⸻

Especially now.

Because if you look at the world around you,
truth is being manipulated.

Distorted.
Packaged.
Sold.

⸻

Through media.
Through institutions.
Through different groups with different agendas.

⸻

And if you don’t have your own grounding,
it’s easy to absorb something that isn’t actually yours.

⸻

Truth always comes out.

⸻

We’re already living in a time where things are being revealed.

And there’s more to come.

⸻

That’s why being rooted in your own truth matters.

Not just spiritually.

But practically.

⸻

It’s what keeps you aligned with yourself
no matter what’s happening around you.
⸻

Because without your truth,
alignment isn’t possible.

⸻

If you don’t know who you are,
what you believe,
what you stand for…

⸻

your life ends up being built on someone else’s truth.

⸻

And you feel that.

That’s the misalignment.

That quiet feeling that something is off.

You might be experiencing that right now.

⸻

Now, when I think about that version of me,
I understand it differently.

I wasn’t lost.

I was just disconnected.

⸻

And that feeling of something being “off”…

that was truth trying to get my attention.

⸻

HeliOS, the framework I have built is a result of that journey.

Not as an idea,
but as something lived.

⸻

My desire to help others isn’t coming from a place of having it all figured out.

It’s coming from knowing what it feels like
to not know yourself at all.

⸻

To feel like you’re living a life that looks right,
but doesn’t feel like yours.

⸻

There’s a reason trees grow the way they do.

They don’t just reach upward.

They plant their roots deep into the ground.

⸻

They stand because they are grounded.
Because they are rooted.
Because they are anchored in something real.

⸻

We’re not that different.

⸻

At some point, you have to stop trying to shape your life
around what looks right…

and start asking what actually is right for you.

⸻

That starts with truth.

⸻

Not the version you were given.
Not the version you were taught.

Your truth.

⸻

And for most people, it doesn’t begin with clarity.

It begins with a feeling.

⸻

A quiet realization that something in your life…

is off.

⸻

If you’ve been feeling confused…
If you’re not fulfilled…

⸻

That might not be something to fix.

⸻

It might be your body telling you
you’re not living in truth.

⸻

The time to figure out who you are…
is now.

⸻

Take some time with yourself.

Look at your life honestly.
Where does something feel off, forced, or not fully you?

Start there.

⸻

If you want to go deeper,
light a candle and use that moment to release any truths that don’t feel aligned with who you really are.

⸻

Let them go.

And begin returning to your own truth—
whatever that looks like for you.

How do you feel about the truth you have discovered about yourself?

https://substack.com/@sonofdib/note/c-252535881?r=26c3sw&utm\_medium=ios&utm\_source=notes-share-action