Rant? Vent? Idk
I just need to type my thoughts out and send them into the void.
I’m quitting smoking. I have to — I got diagnosed with RCVS and as a woman on antidepressants, I’m already at such a high risk for strokes and brain bleeds (fun!).
I’m currently on Day 3, and I feel like shit. I’m sweating, can’t eat, and don’t even ask about my digestive system. This sucks. I also just feel so . . . embarrassed almost? I always was one who said “Weed isn’t actually addictive” and I just can’t believe I let myself get like this.
Good news is, I have no desire to smoke. The fact that I’m so dependent on something that my body is literally breaking down without it is enough for me. That being said, I don’t think the cravings have actually set in yet, so looking forward to that. I’m trying to focus on how I’m starting to rediscover who I am without weed. Also trying to remind myself the only way out is through. I’m more alert, energetic, and experience emotions more strongly — good and bad. Still have plenty of the fog, but it’s not like being constantly high.
I’m also in therapy (not for this specifically, but it’s come up). Biggest worry is that I’m just gonna replace smoking with drinking. Current goal is to get to next session (this Monday) and proudly tell her that I’m 10 days weedless.