u/diamonnd_waifuu81

my girlfriend and i have been together for about ten months now. and i think were genuinely good together most of the time which is honestly why this one has been sitting with me

every year i take a long weekend trip to visit my dad. he lives far enough away that its not a casual visit, it requires planning, i book time off work, i book travel. hes getting older and our relationship has had its rough patches over the years and this trip every year is the thing that actually keeps us close. i look forward to it. he looks forward to it. ive done it for seven years now without missing it once

i mentioned it to my girlfriend when we first started getting serious so she knew it was coming and she said it sounded really sweet at the time

then like four days ago she comes to me and says her close friends birthday dinner was the same weekend and she had assumed id be around and had already told her friend i was coming

i told her i had my trip that weekend and i had mentioned it to her before

she said she hadnt realized it was that specific weekend and could i not just go a different weekend

i told her my dad had arranged things around this weekend, id already booked everything, and this just wasnt a flexible thing for me

she said her friend had specifically been looking forward to meeting me and now she was gonna have to explain why i wasnt there and it was embarrassing

i told her i was sorry about the miscommunication but i wasnt canceling on my dad for a dinner that was added to my calendar four days in advance

she said i was treating her friends birthday like it didnt matter and her feelings like they didnt matter and that a good partner would find a way

so i went on the trip. had a genuinely good visit with my dad.

AITA?

​

my husband and I have been together for twelve years, married for nine. I thought we were solid. not perfect but solid in the way that matters.

four days ago my closest friend called me. she sounded strange on the phone, formal almost, and asked if she could come over. I said of course.

she showed me messages. months of them. my husband had been reaching out to her, first casually, then progressively less casually. she had been deflecting and redirecting and eventually told him directly that she was not interested and that he needed to stop or she would tell me. he stopped contacting her after that.

she waited two weeks after he stopped to decide whether to tell me. she told me because she said she could not look at me anymore without feeling like she was lying to my face.

I waited for my husband to come home that night. I showed him what she had shown me. he did not deny it. he said he had been going through something and it had been a mistake and it had not gone anywhere and he was sorry.

I told him to sleep somewhere else that night. he has been at his brother's place since.

his mother has been calling me. she says I am punishing him for something that did not even happen, that he course corrected himself, that throwing away nine years over messages is something I will regret.

I have not filed anything yet. but I am thinking about it.

WIBTA if I did?