Saturday morning meltdowns (x-post from r/autism)
Hey everyone! Nice to meet you. I'm 38 and undiagnosed but in the process of getting screened for AuDHD. Sorry, I'm new here and I've posted this in two other subs, I hope that's okay. I also hope the flair is alright, I apologize in advance for the clunky long post, I'm overexplaining a lot but it all boils down to needing healthy coping mechanisms. Please help. 🤍 This is the original post:
"Hey guys, this is my first time posting and I'm undiagnosed, but please hear me out.
I live in Japan with my husband of 10 years (we both have strong autistic traits). For 3.5 years, until the end of March this year, I taught part-time at an English school (I loved the job but hated the company, so quitting was necessary but painful). Saturday used to be the hardest day of the week for me (both most demanding and most satisfying).
Now my husband's Saturday routine is doing the big weekly grocery shopping (God bless). He keeps track of all the important stuff like rice, cooking oil, soy sauce, toilet paper, laundry detergent, etc.
Ever since I quit my job I've been tagging along, and hoping this would be a good, "healing" new way to spend my time, but no. I have a meltdown every time. Today was my 4th "meltdown Saturday" and I need to do something about it.
Disclaimer: this is NOT about marriage issues, my husband and I get along extremely well, but for him Saturday mornings are the same as ever, he's set in his ways, doing his thing, while I just feel like I'm free falling into a black hole endlessly. The job grief + sensory hell of supermarkets + not really having anything to do (I grab a couple items and wait around) + my husband's lack of empathy (I don't blame him, he's just in his routine and hyperfocused, he's not trying to be mean). I start every Saturday morning hopeful that it will be different and then I feel the confusion, distress, and despair bubbling in me until I'm screaming and crying like an infant (all I can do is keep it in the car).
I don't want to spend another Saturday like this and I think I should leave the groceries to my husband, it's literally the only time we ever fight anymore (because I feel so desperately out of place and pick fights). But I don't know what to do with myself!!! I need to find something to do with my Saturday mornings. My own routine. It's so strange, I'm unemployed every day of the week, but I feel this overwhelming, meltdown inducing distress only on Saturdays. Like clockwork and without fail.
If anybody can relate, please help, any advice is much appreciated."