basically we both ordered a spanish frittata (probably not traditional in any sense) with stuff like pumpkin, spinach, potato, egg etc). her serving was like 10x25cm and with an apple juice box. my serving however was a piece of frittata about 20x30 cm, 2 scoops of mash potato, some broccoli, carrot, a pot of full fat yoghurt, and an apple.
im so confused.
I tried very quietly talking about it to a nurse because I was freaking out and starting to get teary but then the girl next to me said “can you not talk about this stuff at the table” which:
a) she talks about calories and portion sizes and stuff at the table all the time and barely gets reprimanded
b) she was on the other side of me and wouldn’t really have been able to hear the conversation.
the nurse wouldn’t give me an explanation for the difference in portion sizes and even brought the portion slips that said smth along the lines of [MEAL PLAN LEVEL 2 PATIENT (number) SPCH FT.] so like exactly the same. i know that im a man and a little bit taller than her but not by much so sure maybe my TDEE is a bit higher but surely this is unfair for them to consider the same portion on the same meal plan? she’s not even getting the full plate recommendation of combo of protein healthy fats carbs fibre leafy greens etc.
im so confused I just want to cry. earlier in the day we had a new nurse working with us for the first time and she told me I needed to take off my shorts and wear pants (it was warm, and everyone else was wearing shorts) and idk why i was singled out. everything just feels so embarrassing and targeted today. im so upset at everything
as is normal on the ward as every day seems to blend together, i forgot today was a Monday and a weigh day. i was weighing up (lol pun unintended) whether to see my weight or not and it gave me a lot of thoughts. here’s kind of what my brain came up with in regards to this, and im wondering what everyone thinks
it’s really a gamble I think. i ended up doing it blind because that’s what’s i did on intake. its only my first week in, but it got me thinking that if i did end up seeing it then maybe if it ends up not being that “bad” or increased, that could make me feel safer in my new upgraded meal plan that I’ve been so scared of. like it could have been an “everything is ok actually!” sort of sign.
but then if i saw it and was displeased it might encourage me to restrict as much as possible.
idk part of me is really wishing i saw the number, just to…. give myself permission to eat. it feels like im just in limbo about whether or not my brain can “allow” me to eat. does this make sense? idk. it’s 5:27 am lol they wake you up really early for the weighins