u/crumblednewman

Disclaimer: I'm still pretty young in my faith.

I've really been enjoying this quarter's study. Today I did Tuesday's lesson and I was a bit taken aback by the last paragraph, where we are encouraged to pray out loud.

I mean, I do both, praying out loud and quietly in my own mind. I've been told before that Satan can not read our minds, only God can. There are times I feel it's necessary to talk with/pray to God in my own mind because it's the only way our chats can be truly private. In the past, it has felt like the more I pray out loud about a matter, the harder Satan works against me/God about that particular prayer. I mean, Satan is all about ruining our relationship with God, and what better way than to interfere with our prayers and make us think God doesn't listen or answer?

Anyway, I'm not quite sure why this is bothering me as much as it is. Is it the thought I'm doing something wrong? Or that who does this person think they are insinuating I'm not talking to God the "right way" when we're all supposed to be building our own relationships? Is this just a pride thing and I need to adjust my outlook? I guess I'd like to hear others' thoughts on the matter so I may come to an understanding of my feelings.

I have a weekly book club meeting on Wednesday evenings. I usually close up the office, get mom something to eat, and leave.

Last night it was cancelled, but I didn't tell mom. Just like everyone else, I am so tired and worn out and I just wanted some time alone without anything expected of me or having to talk to anyone.

So, I got mom some dinner, grabbed my book, and left like normal. I took myself out to a Chinese buffet, browsed the discount section of a near-by bookstore, and popped into the Dollar Store. Except for the few words said to staff, I was blissfully alone and it was awesome.

Of course, I had to leave my few purchases in the trunk to bring in another day to avoid suspicion, which lead to me feeling a smidge of guilt because I was sneaking around, but it didn't last long. It was so nice to get out, even for just two hours.