My wife (28F) and I (25F) are having boundary issues.
I’m genuinely confused about boundaries in my marriage and I don’t know if I’m the problem.
We've been together a year and my wife (28F) often tells me (25F) I don’t respect her boundaries, but I feel like the boundaries aren’t clear and sometimes I get in trouble for doing exactly what she asked me to do.
For example, last night she told me to stop texting her, and then a few minutes later she asked me to send her an article about a news story I was talking about. So I sent it, and then she got mad because I was “breaking her boundary” about not texting her and also because the news wasn’t important enough and I shouldn’t have sent it.
Another example: she said she didn’t want to go to singing lessons because her throat hurt and she had already missed a few and said she was only doing it for me. I told her “then don’t go if it won't make you happy.” Then she got mad because she said I was supposed to encourage her to go and that’s what she actually wanted me to do.
Another pattern is she will say she doesn’t want to be with me anymore during an argument, and I took that seriously and said okay we have to file for divorce, she gets mad that I didn’t fight harder for the relationship to be fixed. But if I try to fix things, she says it’s too late anyway.
I feel like I’m constantly trying to respond the right way but the “right” response changes depending on what she actually wanted me to say instead of what she actually said. Another issue is I am on the spectrum and oftentimes apply something that is said just one time to every situation and don't completely understand nuance.
I don't want our dynamic to be like this anymore. What should I do that won't make her upset?
TL;DR: My wife and I are struggling with boundaries and communication because her boundaries are inconsistently applied in every other situation and I am on the autism spectrum. I don't like this dynamic anymore and need to know what to do?