Sick and tired of being alone
Hi all,
I’m M33, and I’ve never had a girlfriend. I feel like love, or anything romantic, just isn’t in my future. I have a lot of female friends, but none of those relationships have ever gone any further than friendship.
When I talk to people about this, they often say my standards are too high. I don’t really see how that’s the case, as I mainly focus on personality in people’s bios. However, I’ve been on dating sites for over ten years and, in that time, I’m lucky if I get one match every six months. I’ve only ever had one date. I’ve been ghosted more times than I can count, or I’ll get a match only to be unmatched just as quickly.
I’m starting to think I’m unlovable, or simply so unattractive that no one would ever take a chance on me. I’ve been asked before if I’m autistic. I’ve never been tested, but it’s possible, as I do have some traits.
All of this has had a real impact on my mental health. Over time, it’s made me quite cold-hearted, especially when I see other people in relationships. I’m at the stage of life where all my friends are either getting married or having kids. I’m often the third wheel, or I’m going to restaurants alone and asking for a table for one, feeling like everyone is judging me. Realistically, they probably aren’t, but it still feels that way.
I’ve tried to convince myself that I’m okay with this, but I’m not. I just want to know what it feels like to be loved and to be someone’s first choice. I know nobody is going to read this, but it feels good to get it off my chest.