Hi, I’ve never posted on Reddit before, but I’ve watched Smosh and other content creators react to Reddit stories for a long time. So I think this might be the place I should ask for guidance and advice. Sorry this might be a long post but I feel like I need to give a lot of backstory for this to make sense.
I’m in a predicament. I [24F] have been in a relationship with my partner [23M] for the past eight months. In the beginning it was going great. We met at the gym and spoke most evenings whilst between sets. We met like this for weeks, as I had synchronised my training schedule with his to get to know him more. After a few weeks, feelings built up and he made the first move. After that things just fell into place.
To me he was kind, loving, thoughtful, unique, and would do anything for me, and when it was good I felt like the best version of myself. His family was lovely, and we had a lot in common. After being in a past abusive relationship (which I took a year to myself to recover from) I felt like I had hit the jackpot.
After a few months of us being besotted with each other, being in love, and building a great connection, things slowly died down. We went on less dates, less activities together and fell into an old married couple schedule.
I didn’t mind this, until he started being on his phone a lot more. And red flags started showing up. One evening as we were going to sleep I found suspicious scratch marks all down his back (four each side going down), which could have only been two or three days old as they were still red and obvious. And seemed to have been made by fake nails, I have short nails. We hadn’t been intimate in over a week. I filmed his back to show him, and he acted very surprised and blamed his car for making them. I didn’t believe he was cheating at all but when you see that kind of dodgy evidence you tend to question everything. I got over it and tried to forget it.
Red flag no.2 ~ was his inability to be on time, the amount of times he said he would be somewhere at a certain time (gym, my house, where I house sat) and showed up 30 minutes to up to an hour later was shocking. On several occasions I sat him down and expressed my frustration for this habit, trying to communicate that I didn’t mind him coming over late, but don’t tell me a time and not stick to it. Otherwise I would change my schedule for no good reason, or be waiting and looking out the window for him all the time. By the end I wasn’t bothered if he showed up or not. I feel like once you repeat yourself enough times and someone tells you they’ll work harder at improving that, and never does. You get sick and tired of it.
Red flag no.3 ~ was with his phone, I openly said what my password was, went on my phone infront of him, and let him use my phone for anything. Him on the other hand, had a black screen protector, the ones where if you sit next to them you can’t tell what’s on the screen. He wouldn’t share his password. And was constantly on his phone. Which would bug me, as we watched films or spent time with my family together. I would have to repeat myself in asking him to be more present.
Red flag no.4 ~ was Valentine’s Day, I did say I didn’t want to go out and spent too much money at a restaurant and getting dressed up. But that I found joy in the smaller things, so I went ahead and made loads of little intimate, and meaningful gifts for him. Homemade dessert, card, his favourite chocolates, flask for work etc. He showed up late and got me flowers.
Besides all of this, I still loved him, and still powered through. But I felt like I putting all the work in and got met with half arsed attempts back. So I slowly felt less and less for him each passing day. Until I started considering my own happiness without him in my life.
Heres where sh^*t hits the fan.
Four weeks ago, I said I was feeling low and needed my own space. Which helped a lot. And he started having concerns I was loosing feelings for him (which I was). But I tired acting normally.
Three weeks ago I stated I didn’t want to be intimate, as I had pregnancy concerns (I wasn’t, it was all in my head) but we still saw each other and followed our routines. He kept showing up late, kept being on his phone, which immediately made me loose my s^*x drive.
Few days later, we were in bed watching a film, he gave me a massage, and I fell asleep. I woke up lucidly, to my hand being on his body (on his thing), he was directing my hand slowly and carefully as to not wake me. I pretended to sleep to see where the hell this would go, to be honest I was in total shock more than anything. Once he put my hand carefully back on the bed, I then realised he had filmed the whole thing and was watching it on repeat to himself. I was still, in his mind blissfully asleep at this point. But terrified. 20 minutes later he still wouldn’t sleep, and I felt unsafe, so I “woke up” and we were intimate, as I felt like this was the only way to rid him of his urges and ment I was safe to be asleep around him after. I didn’t sleep after.
The next day I confronted him over text and called a break on the relationship, to think things through and digest what had happened. He took full accountability for everything and gave me my space.
A week later he broke things off to work on himself, which I was relieved by and agreed. This week without him has made me question a lot of things. Was that the reason he didn’t want me on his phone? Did he have a file with other videos of me asleep and him doing things to me? Is this a form of fetish he’s into? Did he send the videos to close friends of his? Each time I think of that evening I physically feel sick and horrible.
Tonight, he’s messaged me a huge text, even though I blocked him and unfollowed him on most social medias. Asking if we can discuss things and work on things, and taking full responsibility on his part. What do I do? I feel confused and unsure of what to do next.
My trust died that night when he did what he did, can I ever trust him again? Thanks all in advance.