Vicious Cycle
I used to drink a lot. I don't anymore, but occasionally hit it pretty hard at a party.
I went to a party last night. I had quite a bit to drink for me (a martini, 2 glasses of wine, 8 low test jello shots...I made them that way on purpose so everyone could enjoy more). Everyone else was also drinking and were drunk, so it wasn't like I was the lone drunk or anything. Husband and I had already made plans to stay over so no worries about getting home etc. I ate before I started drinking, drank water all night...A real solid plan, you know?
I even had a conversation about the doom I always get the morning after drinking heavily with a close friend, and she said well, you should NOT feel that way tomorrow because you're doing absolutely fine! I put myself to bed 2 hours before everyone else when things got a little fuzzy. I definitely blacked out a bit, but I remember most of the evening.
This morning I woke up, my friends made breakfast. Everyone said how fun everything was, and how great everyone was. Nothing was said about me, my behavior, or even implied that I was out of line in any way.
But as always, I am overthinking everything today. I feel like I embarrassed myself, made myself look like a total fool, and am so depressed and anxious. I'm totally beating myself up.
I'm not asking for advice or anything, but just needed to tell someone how I was feeling. I hate this feeling so much. I wish I could enjoy a fun time with my friends , get silly, and not wake up feeling like the biggest asshole and worst human on the planet like they can.
Thanks for letting me put this out in the universe instead of holding it in.