Today while I was at work, not one but TWO of my coworkers made a comment about how I often I look confused. I thought I was aware of the expressions my face makes, but I guess not lmaoo I genuinely don’t think I make expressions that indicate that I’m confused. I feel like my facial expressions can come off as kind of awkward if anything.
I made a post in another subreddit about this a month ago, but I wanted to ask y’all since it deals with anxiety specifically.
I recently thought about something. Growing up I was never a social person. I never liked doing things that would involve talking to people or talking in from of people. I don’t think it was because I really really feared people and their reactions if it was then it would have played a very small part in how I am now. I can’t 100% speak for younger me because I don’t remember how I felt about socializing back then. I just remember the feeling of being anxious. Adult me realized that I simply have no desire to talk. I don’t care to talk to my family even. It’s hard for me to keep friends due to lack of communication. Communicating drains be. I feel like the anxiety I experience whenever put into situations where I have to talk is because I simply just don’t want to.
I work in retail. They’ve been having me cashier for like 90% of my time there even though I was hired to stock. I hate cashiering because I have to fake my entire personality. The majority of the time I don’t do it which leads to people complaining or being hostile towards me. I also don’t care for small talk either. When I’m stocking, interacting with people is much better because the interactions are straightforward and quick. I’m able to be my authentic self the whole time.
Basically, I feel like the anxiety I experience mainly stems from having to do things I don’t want to do. I hate being forced to do things. I hate having to change myself to fit what society wants.
Yesterday, I was preordering books from B&N, and I realized that I could order Ana Huang’s new book in the Kings of Sin series because I have the editions with the colored spines. I’m a big aesthetics person. The books I get have to be the same height, the same format, the same overall book aesthetic, etc. In my head, I know it’s not a big deal, but I can’t help it lol
Do y’all care whether your books all match in aesthetic or format?
I’m not going to go into details about anything regarding myself because I don’t feel like dealing with unnecessary rude comments. So yeah, what kind of person should go into accounting? Like, what personality/temperament should they have? What kind of person typically does well in accounting? I’m trying to see if accounting could be for me. I feel like I know the answer since I’m the opposite of what society favors, but I want to see what you all say.
I went to college right after graduating high school. I changed my major like 5-6 times and settled on psychology. I transferred to a university after obtaining my associate’s degree, but I never got my bachelor’s because I had to stop going. It’s been years, and I’m trying to find something I could do that I can tolerate. I had a goal, but I was told a piece of information that wouldn’t work for me. Basically, I have limitations and what I wanted to do would require me to be open to moving. I can’t do that. I tried taking what I like and feel like I would be good at based on different things and making a list of careers that I feel like suit me. The top choices were mainly careers that require a PhD and/or doesn’t offer job stability.
I’m an asocial introvert. Yes, I deal with anxiety too. It’s bad depending on the day and what I’m doing. I work in retail so doing something like cashiering where I’m interacting with people all day for hours at a time and having to be inauthentic isn’t for me. I don’t bother to mask. I feel like I shouldn’t have to honestly. It would probably make it worse. I can handle simple and straightforward interactions that doesn’t last nearly as long though. That’s why I preferred being a stocker. I would be alone most of the time, but when I had to interact with customers the interactions last at most 5 seconds. I can’t deal with the small talk. I guess you could say that I don’t like meaningless conversations. Like, ask me what you need to ask and go. I don’t care to talk about random things. I don’t care. I honestly don’t like speaking at all, but unfortunately, the world isn’t made for me.
I feel like doing something that doesn’t suit me and that I don’t want to do is what’s causing me to feel anxious and also depressed. These things I’ve been having to deal with for years. People love talking about exposure therapy when it comes to anxiety but it’s like…I’ve been working in retail for over 3 years now. Before retail, I was working in fast food. That was even worse. Doing something I want to do would help with that. I know things can’t be 100%, but I at least feel like I deserve to have a job or career that doesn’t make me want to smash my head into a wall.
I would consider myself to be a kind of investigative and somewhat creative person. My favorite subjects are psychology, anthropology, English, etc. I feel like I could tolerate science as long as I’m learning about something I actually want to learn. I have an interest in neuroscience, but unfortunately, I don’t know I can do anything with that interest. Math is iffy. I feel like I could like statistics. I took research and stats (a psych class) and enjoyed it. The problem is that that’s not a major at my university. I would have to be a math major, and I don’t care about any other math tbh. I don’t think I would like to code. I tried that before and gave up. I don’t care for business either.
I’m stuck on what to do because on top of all that I plan on doing my degree completely online through my university to make things easier for me considering my situation. If there was a career that suits me that I could get with just a 2 year degree (that pays well) then that would be nice, but it doesn’t seem like there’s any. Idk. Before the trade brigade comes, I looked into the technical school where I live, and they don’t have anything I’m interested in.
So yeah, if you read this, what would you suggest? Please actually give helpful advice or suggestions. Don’t bother commenting if you’re going to be rude.