u/chiselObsidian

This post was submitted to the moderators of this subreddit, to post anonymously.

Hi folks! My 14yo recently came out as..."maybe trans, mostly non-binary". I'm happy for them and proud. I'm trying to understand what the best way to get them support is. They have recently been diagnosed with 2e ADHD/giftedness. There's been some suicidal ideation and self-harm. They have a therapist, but I was surprised when they told me that they had not spoken to the therapist about this topic. So....what's the best way for me to help them get the support they need to make their own choices? Do I....just wait and let them lead? Do I try and proffer support and a gender-identity focused therapist? Any thoughts on these intersections that might be useful? Would love to learn! Thanks.

Many people use the terms AFAB and AMAB as present-tense adjectives: "my AMAB daughter", or "my son (AFAB)". This is typical, and in most spaces nobody will object to that use.

In some trans communities, there's a push to use language slightly differently. The norm is to say "trans daughter", "trans son" - or just "daughter", "son", or "child" if it's obvious from context that the person is trans. When you're referring specifically to the historic fact of what sex your child was assigned at birth, it's encouraged to spell the acronym out: "my daughter was assigned male at birth, and... (I have questions about how to change her birth certificate)".

The reason for this: ASAB, as a brief concise acronym that gets used a lot, tends to communicate something similar to "biologically male/female". It associates the sex someone was assigned at birth with their current trans self. Using that historic fact as a present-tense descriptor sits wrong with some (not all!) trans people.

This is not a firm rule on this forum. Nobody will be sanctioned by the mods for phrasing this one way or the other. I'm just offering this as something to consider : )