At the end of my rope
Tell me who has dated a married person and had them say they arent hierarchical? And have full relationships on offer?
Just 6 months into this situation and a series of seemingly smallish actions have turned on the floodlights that show me cracks in hinge, in meta, in their dynamic...and that in spite of them saying theybe eliminated as much hierarchy as possible, there is indeed hierarchy that will be reinforced by both of them when they feel like it, and one partner straight up used the marriage as an excuse to create a new rule that limits what my partner has on offer (but not what she has on offer) and means my partner no longer has a full relationship on offer. The full relationship was a requirement for me. So this feels like a veto without a veto, because they *don't do those*. This is against the spirit of their original agreement I was told existed and changes so much about how they agree their polyamory works, and sets the stage for future additional limitations on my relationship, but not metas of course. And my partner just agreed to it - it has become clear that there's some, *if I'm being generous*, carelessness in demands from meta and use of the not great marriage dynamic to get things back in her favor anytime she's feeling insecure. She doesn't do the work to not feel insecure but instead implements rules that dont hold up to any kind of examination. And hinge *goes along with it*.
Hinge and I have fantastic connection in many ways, but at this point Im not just dating hinge, I'm dating his wife's toxic insecurities and their well established unhealthy dynamic and I don't want to give him up, but he's doing so much to insure that I do.