u/catherinehblack

Description: I'm writing a thriller/horror novel called, Plastic Bag. The story revolves around a plastic surgeon who kills his patients. Major themes of the novel are women's bodies, beauty standards and what it means to be an artist and create legacy. The story is told from his perspective and his voice is meant to be clinical and somewhat egotistical.

Feedback: The following excerpt is the prologue. Please let me know your thoughts. What you like, what you don't like, the tone so forth.

It's important to me that the beginning of the prologue reads as a red herring of sorts such that the reader is lead to believe that the prologue is opening into a butcher shop with an animal being carved up. Near the end of the prologue it becomes clear that the 'meat' is actually a human body.

Finding butcher terminology that can be applied to the butchering of animals and people that works for a serial killer book is what I'm ironing out here. I would love to hear from you if you feel that the way it's written works and if the reveal at the end pops/resonates or if there is something I can do to make it feel punchier and more disturbing.

Prologue:

Thighs are always so difficult to cut through. Normally, I’m used to separating the torso from the hip and then calling it a day, but this particular ham is too hefty to lift otherwise. The table I’m working on reverberates as I drop the slab of meat down. A splash of blood streaks across my face in defiance. I need a minute to catch my breath before I get back to dismembering the rest of the engorged carcass. 

The hormones and shit we put in our food these days… It’s not only grotesque, but it makes butchering harder when the meat has been fattened to such a disproportionate size. 
Bits of discarded trim and sinew squish beneath my shoes as I readjust my grip on the leg. Obesity is an unsightly sickness as it is, but the smell is worse– reminiscent of fetid produce and spoiled milk. 

In other words, trash. 

I drive my strength into the hilt of the saw stopping short of the femur. God, for someone who had undergone liposuction several times she has so much fat on her. Just another textbook example of how lipo is not a miracle surgery for weight loss. Nothing replaces a healthy lifestyle. No matter how rich you are,  how many times you go under the knife, liposuction is often like putting lipstick on a pig. I look down at the slabs of meat that used to make up Marie McDermott. I’m glad I got the post-op photos taken before she ruined my work. 

In this light she really does look piggish.