u/carbonarachicken

Hi guys, I’m 17F and I know this seems like a really pathetic and childish situation, i genuinely would appreciate any advice because I have no idea what to do.
I met this guy in 2024 (let’s call him tim) and we pretty much instantly got close. By august 2024, we were both best friends and I started realising I had feelings for him but I tried to push it down so it wouldn’t ruin our friendship. I’ve had so many amazing friendships in my life and I’m grateful for everyone and love them so much, but this friendship i had with him was so much more different. We could tell each other everything and hes not the type to open up and show the sweet/affectionate side of him to people typically. In October 2024, he told me that one of his closest friends (call him ben) liked him and I was interested in that ben before I even met tim so I told tim that Ive always found ben attractive. Me and ben started talking and it ended in a month. Ben did not take it well and started spreading rumours that I lead him on. Whilst me and ben were talking, tim and I stopped talking. We started talking after me and Ben’s thing ended and we got even closer. Me and Tim would Spotify jam to sleep, call for hour’s everyday and just talk 24/7 and he would tell me that meeting me and his other bestfriend (lets call him sean, he becomes relevant later) was the best part of his year. I was too scared to tell him and ruin our friendship so I just let it continue this way. Tim had mentioned casually that he thought I was one of the prettiest girls in the year (btw that is NOT true) so i genuinely thought I had some sort of chance. Sometime in January 2025, I get dry replies, once a day. I freak out and figure out that hes found out I’m interested and decide I have to get over him. As school starts I meet this guy in a year above and start dating him a month later. I know I was in the wrong for this but i genuinely believed that I was over Tim in the romantic sense and only missed him platonically. My friendship with Tim deteriorates and I start getting close with sean (whilst dating my ex). When I broke up with my ex (he cheated) I was genuinely happy for a day and then the next, the full force of what happened between me and Tim hit like a freaking truck. I realised what had happened and genuinely I was so upset. 99% of the time when I would talk to my friends about it, they’d brush me off and start talking about how its not as bad as their situation which made me feel really upset and embarrassed I let myself get into this situation. Sean would give me advice about Tim when I broke up with my ex (June 2025) and sean told me that Tim told him he never had any sort of feelings but that he did think that there was no way Tim felt like it was only friends. In august 2025 I realise that tim has genuinely maintained every other friendship with every other girl and I end up getting so upset I block him on all platforms, because by then, we had stopped talking and he had a girlfriend (they started dating in June 2025). We didn’t talk for 3 months, until eventually sean brought both of us together and we talk. I couldn’t mention my more than friendship feelings because he had a girlfriend. I told him I was so confused that he just randomly started talking to me less and drifting and that i genuinely saw him as a close friend. He replied by saying that he considered me to be his bestfriend too but that he didn’t realise we stopped talking until it was too late and then he didn’t want to intrude when I got a boyfriend and that he told our mutual friend he was sad that me and him stopped talking. He asked me “when did you think about this, js it when you broke up with your ex?” And I told him that it was “ever since January”. He says he thinks it’ll be easy to get back what we had, maybe even closer. Fast forward to the 2026. Him and his gf break up and he tells me that he was more sad about the fact he didn’t care that the fact they broke up. We had an event we both were part of and during break we sat down alone and he asked me to update him on everything he had missed. I told him about my ex, and the premise was that how I didn’t even know the guy even on a casual friend level. He replies with “same, me and you were closer than my ex”. We gossip for the next day and I mention something about “kissing my ex felt pretty plain” and I don’t know if I’m overthinking it but the next time we talked, he was a bit cold. I didn’t really want to tell my friends, but my friend asked me in private if I also noticed that Tim was acting cold? Now, me and him are still “friends” but when I walk past him, shit, I force myself not to look because I know that seeing him not look back will hurt so much worse. Again, don’t know if I’m overthinking, but sometimes I’m about to say hi and he just walks past without even looking. We don’t talk online and I constantly get told that he doesn’t act distant at all to his other girl friends, in fact he gossips with them and talks to them constantly. I’m happy that he has the friends he deserves, but shit it hurts so much to see he hasn’t put the same effort into me and his. I genuinely wish no ill on him but this has been killing me inside out ever since last year. Sean tells me to not confess and that Tim did mention that he did have feelings for me, but two weeks later he said that “I can’t see her as more than a friend”. I respect that completely. I feel like even though I think I might love him, I’m way way way more upset about everything in the platonic sense, I don’t get why he could do that if we were bestfriends. I don’t think his explanation adds up and I do want to protect his peace by not confessing but I think this is the only way to let go of him. What do you guys think?