To whoever's struggling. I am too.
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Being not in control of my life isn't sitting well with me and I hope whoever's reading this finds this post helpful.
I'm an 18 year old girl and I went on a weight loss journey two years ago because I've been OBESE my entire life. (still am unfortunately)
You know, ever since binge eating became a part of my daily routine and that's about a year ago, I've been devastated and today I decided to start over again for the millionth time. I want to be like the person I was when I first started eating well and working out. Disciplined. Consistent.
Yesterday, I bought new pairs of leggings for my gym workouts as I want to get my motivation back and extend my running sessions but I was crying in front of my mirror for half an hour min as I watched how big I've got and how my legs look. That didn't stop me from binge eating again though and it was sick. I ate whatever I could find.
Today, I was determined to leave that episode behind and so I went out to run but I couldn't even complete a kilometer.
Binge eating is killing me and is taking my spark away, my confidence (not funny but not that I had any before). It's keeping me behind and is preventing me from doing the things I love. (that's more accurate)
My behaviour towards my family and close friends isn't the best —all because of my eating habits yes— and I'm aware of that but I cannot tell them why I am the way I am.
My goal is being binge free for a whole week because the longest I've gone without bingeing is four days and that's embarrassing.
You who's reading this, yes you. Even though I'm not the best at giving advice, just know that I feel you. Currently I am you and I'm telling you this because I need to hear it as well. It's all going to be worth it in the end and this loop isn't going to last forever.
The best is yet to come.
Do not expect a journey, especially a hard one as this, to be perfect. It takes a LOT of strength and courage to even acknowledge that you're suffering from this disorder.
(It's even harder when you're going through this on your own and you can't talk to your close ones. Coming from someone who's also been bullied for as long as I can remember)
With that you've made your first step and you can perfect everything else later.
It's going to be tough but I believe in you. (Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to. It's probably going to help me not binge too 🫶🏻)