Lessons.
Tldr: he opened his phone and i saw the woman's name he called me while being intimate at the top of his texts threads. And more! I got what I deserved.
So I 34f have been dating a guy 42m for a about a year. Our relationship started out as an affair. I was in a marriage I hated so much I wasnt eating, getting drunk every night, the whole thing. He was single.
Anyway things started out fine, just hitting it, planned on quitting it, but if course caught feelings.
He helped me get out of my marriage by just being there and answering questions I had. I needed support and he was there. After I was officially divorced he asked me to date him. I said yes, happily ever after right? We started making plans to live together. Yada Yada.
He started coming to my place after i was officially divorced and while we were right in the middle of some adult fun time, he called out this woman's name who happens to be an ex. I was like excuse the absolute f out of me sir WHAT?! He apologized, very remorseful all that jazz. I chose to let it go. It happens right? Mistakes were made but I thought I'm gonna let this go and just keep it in mind. He told me he didnt talk to his exs and that when hes done hes done. That was a lie.
Anyway one night a few months later, I was at his place helping get it fixed up to sell and forgot my phone in my car. Asked him to use his he said sure and opened it and scrolled to the text thread I needed for me. How kind. Little did he know I saw his texts. I saw her name at the freaking top of his most recent. I was seeing red. Standing there holding a phone in my hands shaking so badly heart pounding like i was doing cardio at the gym. I sent off my text and backed out and looked at hers. Let me tell ya. I only saw a small amount but I quickly left and told him id see him back at my place.
When he got home I was mad. Asked to see his phone. He did let me. And got in the shower. I went through all of the messages in that text thread in less than 30 minutes, I looked at his Google maps, I looked at his call logs. He was calling and texting this woman every day. Told her he loved seeing her. Told her how seeing her brought up old memories. Told her he liked her jiggly booty. Let her talk bad about me. Told her how beautiful she was. BOUGHT THIS WOMAN A CHRISTMAS GIFT. He was going to her house. He invited me to Thanksgiving at his parents and took food home for leftovers but it was really for her. The stuff I saw. He defended it as just friends. LMAOOOOO NOPE. Needless to say I went right back to old habits. Got absolutely black out drunk on a Tuesday night because I couldn't handle it. He also lied to me about meeting her and all this stuff. I already knew but he just kept trying to lie to me and deny he ever met up with her outside work. Yep they work together. Anyway its been an ongoing thing for us over the last few months.
Tonight I asked him about another woman. He had gone out of town the first few months of dating and called her his coworker but always called the men coworkers by name so I hit on that right away and was like wtf. Anyway... tonight I asked him outright if she had gone to his hotel room while he was there. This dude yall... again looked me right in my face and told me she didnt but I ALREADY KNEW SHE DID. I skimmed her messages the same freaking night I looked at the other woman's. I like to move in the shadows after all. I then asked to see his phone again and it instantly turned into a privacy thing, how it was ridiculous, he scrolled through the messages to read them to make sure what was said. Didnt want to give me his phone. When I finally got it he hovered and was bombarding me with questions so I couldn't focus.
If hes gonna cheat WITH YOU, hes gonna cheat on you. Ive never cheated before this. I was miserable and needed out before I wasnt around anymore and I made poor choices. I shouldn't have ever done what I did. But I guess this is the karma for it slapping me in the face over and over.
I hope this sorry gives yall who are hurting because they have been cheated on a little hope that what goes around comes around. Im back to being miserable. Only now its because im worried about being cheated on and lied to.
Lesson learned. Got exactly what I deserved. Heartache and pain. The same I did to someone else.