Navigating a planned trip during separation
My wife if 18+ years pushed for a separation about three weeks ago. Due to finances and kids’ activities/schedules, we’re under the same roof with me upstairs and her downstairs most of the time we’re home together. We’ve had some decent talks, co-parented well, and even shared some laughs over these weeks, but we’ve also had some serious talks that always end up with me with the broken heart as she is not budging from behind the walls she’s built up for me. I’ve done nothing but commit to doing my part to make it work (my first therapy appointment is this week, going to the gym every day, eating healthier, etc.) I’ve gotten mostly coldness and indifference to my steps taken. She’s planning to start therapy too, but hasn’t shown the same eagerness to start moving forward like I have. I’m not giving up. She said she’s not either. I am just further along in the process than she is, according to her.
Long story short, our daughter (10) has an out-of-state sports competition this coming weekend. We planned to travel with another family and stay in the same AirBnB. We had been saving, planning, and looking forward to these four days away for this really major competition for our daughter for many months. Plan was for it to be me, my wife, and my daughter, plus the other mom and daughter.
My wife told me today that she’ll leave it in my court, but she thinks “what’s best for our relationship” is to be apart for this weekend and she go with my daughter and I stay home.
I don’t want to stay home. I want to be there for my daughter. Maybe even part of me thinks I can continue to show my wife I’m working on myself and maybe start to chisel away at those walls.
I suppose I could go and just sleep on a couch, but why the hell should I do that when we haven’t told anyone really, especially not the other family going with us, about what we’re going through. Plus I paid for the AirBnB from my personal account, not the one we share. I asked for no help from her on that as a sign of good faith as finances are part of what led us to the separation in the first place.
If I stay home, missing them, especially not being able to support my daughter, would be unbearable.
I could use any help figuring out what my best course of action is here. I’m lost.