u/birdzville

I hope this question isn’t stupid, I’m just new to this and wanted to be prepared. My fertility doctor said they will run some tests on me. I can’t meet with her to discuss until the end of the month because that was the only available appointment. What tests would they typically do?

I’m 40 and I lost one pregnancy naturally at 6.5 weeks in October (don’t know how old embryo was because it was already gone before I could get into the ultrasound) and just lost one this month when I was 9 weeks but embryo only measured 6 weeks, took miso to speed up the process.

We had conceived naturally but this clinic helped me through this second pregnancy. They did blood tests and said my thyroid was too high and progesterone and vitamin D were too low, they put me on meds for those. My husband and I got genetic screening and we don’t have any overlapping recessive genetic disorders.

What other tests should I expect at this point now that we lost the second pregnancy? I’m starting to wonder if we should try IVF.

I’ve had a rocky relationship with my childhood best friend for many years. We live in different cities and mainly we talk on the phone and text message, only see each other in person every couple of years. Every time we meet in person she manages to ruin the experience by having a meltdown or being rude to me.

She is someone who always plays the victim. She nearly constantly has some kind of mental health crisis, she struggles with depression and anxiety. She has physical health issues as well. She constantly wants my sympathy and support. Often her problems are with her family and in laws, but I feel like she baits people into fights by making unreasonable demands, then gets incredibly upset and has a nervous breakdown when they push back on her. I think she loves conflict and seeks it out.

I would not mind being there for her when she needs me, but it’s always one way. I can never talk to her about what’s going on with me or my own life struggles. It always feels like she’s trying to one up me. If something good happened to me, something better happened to her, if something bad happened to me, something worse happened to her. When I do try to open up to her she acts judgmental and like I’m stupid or inferior to her. I can hear her smirk through the phone sometimes. I stopped even talking about anything in my life with her because she ends up using it to hurt me. When I got married I didn’t tell her until afterwards and I don’t think she even cared.

I recently had two miscarriages. I did not tell her about it. She happened to call me the day after my last one. I should not have answered but I thought I needed a distraction. At some point I brought up something sad I had seen on the news involving a child who was hurt. She started screaming at me that she could not hear about things like that because she was a mother and it’s too hard on her mental health, and that I would never understand because I’m not a mother. Those comments really stung because I had just lost my baby the day before. I had thought I was about to be a mom before we went to the ultrasound and saw the heart had stopped beating. She did not know about it, but I was still really angry.

I feel like I constantly have to walk on eggshells around her while she can completely disregard my feelings. I never know what will trigger an outburst from her. I’ve been ruminating on it for weeks now while also processing my grief over the loss of our baby. I think this might be the final straw for me after decades of growing apart from her. I’ve tried to keep her as a friend while keeping some distance to protect myself, but I realize I can’t control the situation and she’ll inevitably drain me emotionally and leave me with nothing in return.