I have been attempting to quit drinking for 5 years. I only just now actually fully accepted that I have a problem with this substance.
Sharing this here because this has been nagging me for the better part of a month. February 2021 was the very first time I attempted to not drink alcohol for any extended amount of time. Between then and now I have had several sober periods and more unsuccessful day 1’s than I can count or would care to admit.
Quitting always seemed like something that would be good for me in a self help/optimizing your life sort of way. A good thing to do but ultimately optional. Maybe it’s the thing that would finally cure the intense dissatisfaction I’ve been feeling (never considered it may be causing it).Despite reading all the literature and half heartedly attempting some programs I never actually truly and honestly admitted to myself that I am addicted to alcohol. I have been lying to myself for half of this decade.
Two things occurred that made this really start sinking in. One was I received a comment from a friend who I also consider a heavy drinker that seemed to imply that even among drinkers I was known for going really hard. It was said in jest while we were out bar hopping but I think it stung for a reason; I knew it was true. And two, in these last few months my drinking had become more intense by volume than ever in my life DESPITE me wanting so badly to be fully abstinent. My drinking now as someone who feels very educated about addiction and sobriety is worse than when I knew nothing and thought “maybe I should take a break” for the very first time 5 years ago.
The things I never tried was going to some meetings or seeking counseling and at this point I am ready to try both. There are so many things that I know are at the roots of my addictive behaviors and white knuckling sobriety has simply has not worked for me. I simultaneously have never felt this defeated but also this ready to finally end this awful cycle and get real help.
To anyone in long term sobriety who was as stubborn as me, what finally worked for you?