I (M26) do all the initiating with my GF (F26)
Morning folks, got a question/need to express some feelings.
First off, let me say that I love my girlfriend. Shes the most amazing partner a guy could ask for. Shes kind, smart, funny, pretty, you name it. I really do see myself spending the rest of my life with her.
The only thing is that when it comes to our sex lives, I feel like there’s a disconnect. I do all of the initiating. I make the first move, I plan the dates, I set up everything if we want to have a romantic/sexy night in.
There’s never any initiation and little effort on her part when it comes to being intimate and I cant help but feel unwanted/unattractive. We have discussed this many times. I have expressed to her (politely & respectfully) that I would like her to initiate some of the times and reciprocate some of the effort. She is receptive to this and says she will make an effort. Sometimes she does and it lasts a day or two, sometimes she doesn’t. We made a promise to each other at the start of the year to actually date each other, not just live in the same apartment and coexist through the mundane tasks of everyday life. I feel like I have kept my promise and she hasn’t really.
We have talked extensively about what each person wants/gets turned on by. I even gave her examples of stuff that I would interpret as her initiating. I have also expressed how her lack of initiation has made me feel and she has reassured me multiple times that she does love/find me attractive/want to have sex with me.
I don’t want her to feel objectified or used, but a healthy sex life is something I would like to have as part of a long term relationship. I feel like we have talked in circles about this and gotten nowhere. A lot of times when she puts a hand on me or goes me a kiss I have to ask if she’s initiating something or not. She usually responds with “it’s up to you” or something of a similar theme. It just makes sex feel clunky and unnatural.
What do you recommend to get past this? We’ve been together for 4 years. I don’t want to leave, but also I don’t want our intimate lives to fizzle out this quickly.