u/bbeetthhoobboo

I dated my ex, John, for about 6 years in our early 20s. We broke up and dated other people a few times, but always ended up getting back together. He had a very large family (which I do not), and I got very close to a number of family members. When we eventually broke up for good, I remained close with a few of them. They’re like family to me to this day (15 years later). He met his new partner about a year later, and they got married and had a kid. I was nothing but happy for him. There were no residual feelings there at all on my end, but we reminded friends.

My ex suddenly died recently, and his family contacted me right after it happened. I was extremely depressed about it, and kept checking in on them. The night before the wake, I was informed that his wife was distraught at the thought that I would be at the wake or funeral. I have never met her, and had no idea I would even be on her radar. When I found out I was not welcome at his services, I felt like I was going to throw up. It’s hard for me to not understand why, and to not take it personally. I know that his family was upset that I was no longer welcome, but they did not want to cause issues with his wife, and I would not have wanted them to. I really hope that they can have a relationship with her and with his child. I am absolutely devastated for them.

So, am I the asshole for wanting to go to his wake and/or funeral? Was I overstepping? I am spiraling and would just like to know if I was in the wrong.

My longtime friend’s daughter was born with heart defects. She has had many heart surgeries over her life, but at 20 her heart is now failing. I have known her since she was born, and she is such a vibrant person. She had an extensive eval last week and we are waiting to hear if she is approved to be on the donor list. One complication is that while she was in the hospital recently she had a stroke. She’s recovering amazingly, but she is not able to speak again yet. We are all so worried that this will be an impediment to her getting on the donor list. Has any one had a similar experience? I’m catatonic thinking of what a denial would mean. I don’t think she has much time left with this heart. All of your stories of receiving a new heart are giving me hope! I really appreciate this sub.