u/apresledepart

How have you done this for it not to look like a money grab? Thanks!

I called my 84-year-old father on his birthday this past week. Sometimes we can get into disgreements, so I kept it light and pleasant. Nevertheless, within a 30 min. conversation he:

• Said that my children are "unnecessary"
• Mocked our family's faith
• Derided my husbands's doctoral program
• Treated me like an idiot as usual

He's a frustrated and unhappy man who has lived without purpose for many years. Even when we lived in the same city, we only saw him every 4-6 months. He is too busy going to bars and hitting on 20-something bartenders to spend time with my children.

In his younger life he struggled professionally and failed to fulfill his potential. He still complains about things his mother and father did or didn't do for him. For a long time I believed his explanation of events, that all this stuff "happened" to him, derailed his life, and that it was out of his control why he was unhappy and unfulfilled.

Now, I can see that his negative and small-minded outlook has been the reason for his suffering. It hasn't gotten better in old age. Instead of taking pride in being a grandfather, he calls his grandchildren's lives "unnecessary". Instead of accepting his aging and seeking enjoyment in hobbies, he pines after college-aged bartenders.

This isn't unique to him, either. When my husband and I look at our parents, we see people who are depressed, frustrated, and drinking excessively. They don't have hobbies, they don't exercise. They are so negative, speaking with only anger and regret about the past. They don't seem to understand the importance of using the time they have left on uplifting and lasting activities, one of the most important of which is spending time with their grandchildren.

I remember my own grandmother being gentle and wise, keeping busy with daily walks and swimming and playing bridge with friends. She drank iced coffee instead of wine. She went to church every week and had a social circle there. She made time for her grandchildren instead of avoiding them. She understood and accepted her role as matriarch instead of bitterly wishing to be 30 again.

What happened to the happy and wise elders? Does anyone have them in their lives anymore?

Our family eats super clean because we have a bunch of autoimmune diseases and the kids are at risk for these. We don't really follow any diet trends but it's probably most similar to a paleo gluten-free diet.

Typical diet is red meat, chicken, pork, fish, fruit & vegetables, nut butters, gluten free grains/noodles. Snacks are things like Chomps, gluten free crackers & cheese. My son is a preteen and is just ravenous but is also a picky eater.

What are some ways I can add healthy calories to his food?

I was thinking an extra baked potato with butter for dinner. He's already started eating an apple & peanut butter after most other meals.

Any other ideas?