Decentering and understanding if my partner adds value to my life?
I've (23 F) been dating my boyfriend (25 M) for 1.5 yrs. We connected instantly, fell in love. Have had our ups and downs. We both have worked on ourselves to make this relationship work and for eachother. There was a recent instance of him lying to me because he didn't want to hurt me. I am a very expressive happy bubbly girl. He is very patient calm reserved. We do bring out the best in eachother. But sometimes I feel like I can't forgive him for a few things he's done, i do act normal and fine but its a constant thought it my head that has built some resentment..we have talked about this as well.
i really just wanted to know if I'm wrong to feel like my basic needs aren't met. I communicate, express. He does too! I don't mean to sound ungrateful but I constantly feel like something is lacking. He has to be told what needs to be done..he needs to be taught how to communicate. For once I want him to just take the lead and drive the conversation or do something for me because he wants to.
I also at times feel like he loves himself too much. Honestly I feel jealous. The way he can tell me no, the way he can prioritize every other thing about his day and schedule. I genuinely envy him. I don't think I can do it. It's been very difficult for me to say no i can't because I have this planned. It makes me angry that he puts everything else above me. He also never talks about himself badly, he was very insecure when we started dating but now I've become the insecure one!! We have had major trust break in past and we've been to therapy together for that, worked on it together..but recently I've been feeling like, i wouldn't need to teach my husband all this..i wouldn't need to beg my husband to do basic and bare minimum things. I really do love him but does he add value to my life?
I wanted to ask how do you measure that value? In what sense should your partner be adding value to your life? I don't know if we are compatible emotional intellect wise. I don't know if he is someone I can have deep philosophical random life discussions with. How can I decenter him while being in a relationship and work on myself? I want to be in this relationship but i don't want to abandon myself anymore.