No one even knows what "schizotypal personality" is so no one can relate to my pain
It's not really the eccentric behavior that is the problem. It was embarrassing for me growing up but that's just me not wanting be judged by kids for having a "weird" mom.
It's more like... her social fears and insecurity leading her to becoming codependent on her abusive felon husband, whom she let live with us and thus indirectly let abuse me.
She doesn't think anything through and so was always getting me into dangerous situations. She would stop the car on the highway to put religious tracks on people's cars cuz she needed to "save" them. She has almost burned our house down due to making perpetually dumb decisions.
She doesn't take care of her personal hygiene nor the houses but thinks it's fine. It's a hoarders house. I grew up with bedbugs and stinky clothes and it was inhumane.
She has an obsession with religion that is clearly influenced by her disorder. Think the mother from "Carrie". This causes her to be homophobic to me even though she is open minded in all other respects, but it's "against the religion" so she just blindly follows it.
As a kid, I got made fun of by other kids when my mom would show up to school unprompted, and everyone would notice her eccentric and bizarre behaviors. My mom is one of those people you can tell something is "off" about her just from seeing her. She doesn't express her emotions normally. She talks in weird voices and metaphors and little kids will bully you if you have a mom like that.
It's not her fault, and she isn't a perfect person even outside of her disorder, but dang, it sounds harsh to say but I wish she was not this way. She lost partial custody of me as a kid because she was deemed mentally unwell for parenting. I wish she lost full custody of me. My childhood was horrible because I was physically neglected, and that's because my mom couldn't even take care of herself.
I've never met someone else with this type of mother, it's a really specific diagnosis. I can't be mad at her even though I want to be because she's not well. but I'm still mad, and I don't know what to do with these feelings.
I got a text from her today, and like always, it's just a bunch of rambling and incomprehensible nonsense and I can't help but get angry. I want a normal mother and I especially wanted one growing up. But feeling that way makes me feel terrible at the same time.