22M I had the best/most romantic first date of my life than got ghosted
Posting this on an anonymous account to protect my privacy, but I got put on to Dr K by a friend a couple months ago and as someone that is ADHD and Tism these videos have been very helpful.
So I met this girl off bumble, and my experience with dating apps is always just hard. Being someone who needs more than just physical traits to become attracted to someone dating apps make it hard. It just is hard for me to feel romantic attraction to someone in general without a lot of communication and development of emotional attachment.
Anyways so we matched off the app we hit it off real well and we had an instant spark and chemistry. We called and texted every day for 2 weeks leading up to our date. Tons of flirting and banter and playfulness. The vibes were very good it was definitely my best experience talking to someone off a dating app. The opposite of dry and boring. She was 24F I’m 22M.
Both of us were very emotionally open and vulnerable with each other I’m very blunt and open and just say it like it is I’m very open with my feelings and like talking about them and she was the same way. Before the date leading up we established what are boundaries were and everything and basically just agreed on 3rd base being the only thing off limits. After 2 weeks of constant communication we both were very into and attracted to each other so we were very eager to meet up and spend time in person.
We arrived at the date we met at the mall and I was nervous of course, but as soon as we met up there was no awkwardness or anything she jumped into my arms we hugged spun around we laughed. Kissed on the cheek as a greeting it was very good and we felt very comfortable.
We held hands walked inside the mall we walked around talk hung out window shopped went to a cat cafe inside it was great. She was laughing the whole time and we both were really just having a good time and enjoying each other.
After about 2hrs at the mall, we went back to the car and had some snacks and did some painting while we just talked and what not. Then after that she showed me the blankets and pillows she brought and we got cozy and ended up just cuddling and listening to music and got closer. Nothing felt awkward it all felt really natural and romantic she got on top of me and was close and we ended up making out for a while it it all felt really genuine and romantic.
After that we had been hanging out for about 4-5hrs time had just flown by we were having so much fun and enjoying each other company. Then she did something I did not expect she invited me to come back to her house. Now keep in mind this had never happened to me before. So this was a first for me. But we were clearly very into each other and having a great time so of course I said yes. So I ended up buying us dinner and we took it back to her place. Note that I had also paid for everything on this date.
When we got back to her house we ate our food and then she suggested taking shower so we weren’t sweaty and what not cause we had been out all day it was like 6pm now and we had been hanging out since noon. I of course agreed, then I made the biggest move of the date where I playfully said we should take a shower together. She giggled smiled was clearly flustered by it. She had been teasing me and flirting with me the whole day so I finally got one back.
It is important to note that we had discussed boundaries before the date and how we didn’t wanna do certain things unless we really liked each other felt something and wanted to continue it. She knew how much showering together would mean to me cause I had mentioned how that is a big romantic thing for me and I wouldn’t do it with someone unless I really liked them.
She pulled me into the shower playfully and she undressed and what not, and I was still in shock that this was about to happen cause I was not expecting it. Mind you I had a huge glow up lost a ton of weight got in good shape so I still suffer from some body dysmorphia and what not. But we ended up showering together and it was the most romantic and intimate thing I’ve ever done with someone the whole day of flirting and teasing and growing close leading up to this after 6-7hrs it was amazing. We made in the shower washed each others hair it was definitely the best experience I ever had with a person in my life that whole day was.
After that we shared a quiet moment cuddling in her room she kissed me more, told me how excited she was to be exclusive going forward and how much she liked me and was into me. Obviously I told her I really liked her and couldn’t wait to see her more and keep developing the connection we had build over the 2 weeks of talking and the date. She agreed.
She walked me out to my car and made out with me one more time before I left and told me that she wished I could stay all night and what not. We were so into each other by this point emotions were out there and it was just all time great experience. She said we’d try to plan something again for tomorrow and hit the gym together.
She texted me when I got home around 11pm. “Goodnight my sweet boy thank you for everything today I loved every second of it I can’t wait to see you again”
I was in such a bliss of happiness I had never felt before. It was the first time I had ever felt that loved and just connected to another person it was all so real raw and romantic I had never experienced that.
Now we get to where 99/100 this ends with a happy ending but mine does not.
She texted me the next day with just a 2 sentence half ass response “I loved everything about you but I didn’t feel the romantic spark.” Then blocked me on everything and ghosted.
Obviously I was a bit taken aback and felt just terrible for allowing myself to get excited and enjoy that experience and it all be for nothing I thought I did something wrong or whatever. Everyone I’ve told women and men in my personal life has said I did nothing wrong and to do that to me after saying those things and doing those things in person is pretty messed up.
This happened on Thursday last week. I feel pretty down about everything online dating is already hard but this experience has just shook me and I feel like it’s gonna be hard for me to trust anyone going forward even if they say things to my face.
I personally don’t get how you can spend 10hrs with someone do all that stuff say all that stuff then say you didn’t feel a romantic spark. I feel like you had to have felt something especially after inviting me back to your house after spending 5hrs together and cuddling and making out together.
Sometimes it just sucks being a hopeless romantic I feel really emotionally drained and I wear my heart on my sleeves that’s who I am and I’m not gonna change that, but I think ima be more cautious with my who I open to going forward.
Anyway I needed to vent that out cause I just felt pretty sad about the whole thing.
I’m curious if yall had any words of wisdom or advice for me or if you have an idea of what you think happened.
My only guess is that she’s an avoidant attachment and it just felt so real that she got cold feet and just panicked it scared her off.
But other than that I have no idea.
Anyways let me know your thoughts or comments I’m curious what people in the sub think.