My best friend/soulmate of 14 years died. During the most traumatic time (until her death) in my life.
My best friend since the first grade of 9th grade died on October 21st of 2025. We got in trouble as teenagers, loved each other unconditionally, held secrets no one else knew, went through high school, trade school together, and ending up working together for 4/9 years in our trade. We had so many plans, including getting platonically married if we were 45+ and single. We joked about having old lady adventures at the nursing home. I never imagined my life without her.
3 hour phone calls were not abnormal, but got more frequent in the past few months. I was fresh out of a long term relationship ending in psychological and emotional abuse as well as physical. I was experiencing post separation abuse while I fought to get my dog back from him. She was being neglected. During that 3 month battle (turned legal) is when my best friend died. It was an accidental OD from computer duster. She’d be so mad that she died from it (in a funny way).
I remember my parents knocking on my door out of the blue on a Tuesday night. I was happy to see them. They had never spontaneously dropped by to say hi before. My mom said she will never forget how happy I was when I opened the door, knowing she was about to tell me the life shattering news. My best friend’s dad had called my parents right after finding her body. He wanted to make sure I wasn’t alone when I found out.
That night was the worst night of my life.
She held my hand during the hardest times in my life without judgement, and I did for her as well.
I’m petrified at the thought of losing people and pets. I find new triggers everyday almost, but I’m doing the best I can to process and grow like she would encourage me to do. Thankfully I got my dog back, but she didn’t get to see my dog again and it haunts me.
I miss her. I just want to call her. I want to hug her. I want to tell her I love her one last time.
If you read this whole thing, thank you.