Everyone is afraid of the Hanta virus but they all seem to be ignoring the scariest part of the story
There are people that actually choose to go on a cruise ship for their vacation, voluntarily! 😱
u/ZombieFrankReynolds — 15 hours ago
u/ZombieFrankReynolds
"Yo, wassup my ninjas!" I said to the said to the group of guys in the inner city
But they stabbed me 75 times each and then disappeared in a puff of smoke because I had revealed their secret ninja identities
u/ZombieFrankReynolds — 21 hours ago
"We're sorry that you were wrongly imprisoned for 20 years, you just need to sign these papers and you are a free man" said the warden handing me my release papers
Paper cut
u/ZombieFrankReynolds — 2 days ago
"Bill, you just stole my wallet!" I said to Bill as he was stealing my wallet
"Nuh uh, it was immigrants" said Bill Ionaire as he put my wallet in his pocket
u/ZombieFrankReynolds — 2 days ago
I was shocked when my homie texted me to come over for cockporn movie night
He meant popcorn :(
u/ZombieFrankReynolds — 3 days ago
AITAH?
I am a ring of muscle at the end of the digestive tract that regulates the evacuation of faecal matter from the rectum, AITAH?
u/ZombieFrankReynolds — 3 days ago
"Don't go towards the light!" I heard my loved ones cry, but the voices were muted and distant, growing ever fainter as I felt myself drawn up, towards a place of peace and safety, closer and closer I flew, basking in that heavenly illumination
"Zzzaappp" said the bug zapper
u/ZombieFrankReynolds — 4 days ago
"When hell is full, the dead shall walk the earth!" Said the big scary demon guy
"Um, I'm not much of a walker, could we not organise a bus or some golf carts or something?" Replied ZombieFrank
u/ZombieFrankReynolds — 4 days ago
"For generations humans have subjugated our kind, murdered us in our millions to satisfy your gluttony!"
"Bring forth your vegans that they may answer for their crimes" said Saladicus, the sentient lettuce and leader of the salad uprising that had just overthrown humanity
u/ZombieFrankReynolds — 5 days ago
'I'm Spartacus!' declared the unknown slave defiantly, knowing his act of solidarity meant his own death by his friend's side
"Yep, can confirm officer, 100% he is Spartacus, my name is, um, Dave, yeah, Dave the slave" said Spartacus
u/ZombieFrankReynolds — 6 days ago
My butthole is itchy
Just the left one, the right one is fine
u/ZombieFrankReynolds — 6 days ago
▲ 357 r/badtwosentencehorrors
Knowing that I'm a huge Star Wars nerd, my girlfriend dressed up in the gold bikini like Princess Leia, so I broke up with her.
I mean, she put her hair up in "cinnamon buns" so obviously she should have been wearing the white dress, like, that hairstyle is not even from the same film, everyone knows with the gold bikini she wears her hair in a single long braid and why was she holding Darth Vader's lightsaber, seriously, how would Vader's lightsaber end up on Jabba's sail barge, it makes no sense, honestly, I'm so angry right now.
u/ZombieFrankReynolds — 7 days ago