Autism parents who hate their autistic children would likely *still* hate them even if they were neurotypical, they just wouldn't have a societally acceptable excuse to hate them
I wanted to go against the grain a bit here but also make an argument.
My social worker primarily works with autistic children from level 1 to level 2. I am her sole adult client (I live alone and need help with grocery runs and occasional errands) and I often hear about the kids she helps out.
Every child she works with, the immediate problem they face that's blocking them from success in school and life is not anything the kid is doing,
it's always their parents.
Or the state not providing the support they need because of inadequate funding for disability. Sometimes this is still the parents' fault because they know their kid has other conditions co-occurring with autism but they refuse to seek a diagnosis or support for their conditions because they've written them off or they aren't bothered. Some of these people are very financially well off and would have no trouble getting a specialist appointment
Even in the case of someone acknowledging their child's condition and seeking supports for them, if the state doesn't provide the support it should, does the parent blame the child for being born 'wrong' or do they blame the state for turning its back and whistling as it lets some people fall through the cracks?
My social worker tells me about her clients and they're just regular kids, just they talk 'too much' about their special interest for their parents liking (the weather! even neurotypical conversation topics aren't safe special interests!!!) or they have sensory needs which then their parents refuse to accomodate or seek solutions for (like headphones) because again they aren't bothered.
I wonder what would the 'autism parents' would do if they had only neurotypical children with neurotypical children problems? Like mean kids at school or homework being hard or a mean teacher. A lot of the things 'autism parents' face with their children are the same problems neurotypical children go through. They just can't go 'the other school children are mean to my child because they're a [slur]'. If they can't handle their autistic child's behaviours would they handle similar behaviour from a neurotypical child?
My social worker herself had her eldest at a very young age with very little support, and he has both level 2 autism and an intellectual disability. I've never seen or heard her blame any element of her difficulties in life on her kid having autism or the intellectual disability, but I have heard her voice frustrations that the state hasn't coughed up the support he needs in his day-to-day life, and that the way our society is structured is ableist and stacked against him.
What's the point here?
A lot of people who complain about how difficult and inconvenient their autistic children are, are just bad parents, full stop.
We should stop ceding the ground that autism parents 'deserve' to vent about how frustrating their autistic children are. I don't think they do, when people vent about their neurotypical children they generally get a response of "imagine how the kid would feel if they saw this". "You chose to be a parent suck it up" but we concede some wiggle room if their kid is autistic.
So many of them would feel the same way if they had neurotypical children, I believe this distinctly, they just wouldn't have a socially acceptable avenue to complain.
I'm curious as to what other people think of this, also