u/Zmeiovich

I think me being a male with AGP makes way more sense than being a transsexual.

A real transsexual would've been dysphoric from childhood, would desire SRS no matter the cost and would do everything to get it, would have complete mental breakdowns from dysphoria, etc. I am nothing like that.

I am nothing like that, I am simply an AGP male who wants to be a transwoman. I want to fit into a group, I don't have the end goal of becoming a real woman. I am exaggerating my GD to make it seem like it's real and I am actively trying to worsen it so I can become a part of this group of transsexuals. I don't cry because I genuinely hate myself, I cry because I don't hate myself enough. All of this is caused by a sissy porn addiction that started pre-puberty and AGP that started at 9. It's just a fetish I took way too far. I still imagine myself as a man, I still act like a man and so on. There is nothing innately feminine in my soul that makes me a woman. I am just an ugly autistic male with a fetish. That's it. Nothing more too it. I actually feel like I have gotten worse the further I've been on HRT. These thoughts just keep coming back more and more intensely. I'm too embarrassed to detransition and I don't want to be in-between, I should actually try to become a male again instead of transitioning because I think I'm a failure.

I'm going to give away all my vials to real dysphoric people, fetishists like me don't deserve to have them and take away healthcare from real transsexual people.

I also can't help but feel that this whole "accept anyone who thinks they might be trans" thing is part of a standard to encourage everyone with dysphoria of any kind to transition and that this narrative has been perpetuated by the greater medical community to make money off of 'dysphoric' people who really don't need to transition.

I am sorry for being such a dissappointment to any people I might be.

It's not even because I cannot pass or anything like that but it's because I'm not truly a transsexual and rather am just making everything up about myself. I am not truly dysphoric, I developed dysphoria because I cannot fit into a group of people I want to be for some reason.

I transitioned because of AGP, I have been AGP since I was 9 and that has make me mistake AGP for dysphoria. I am realizing that I am not truly a transsexual because I developed ROGD at a very late age, at 21, and I am exaggerating everything to find a sense of belonging. I could live without this, in fact, I think my life has gotten worse when I started HRT sometimes. I am putting a death sentence on myself for transitioning. There are very little benefits for me to transition. I think I should just accept that I'm an autogynephilic male and move on with my life. It's unfortunate I can't be a cis woman but becoming a trans woman will not help me in life.

In my dreams I’m male, in my first thoughts I still imagine myself as a male, I imagine that I have a male body, I can barely imagine myself as a woman. I am male on the inside and my self-perception is clearly male, so why did I transition? Probably because I had extreme anatomical, behavioural and physiological Autogynephilia to the point where I don’t get dysphoric from estrogen (also because it basically does nothing). So why should I continue this if I am truly male on the inside?

I also always preferred hanging out with women over men because I have an easier time understanding them and I have personally had a bad experience with the majority of men. Or maybe I’m just a predator subconsciously who is trying to blend in with women without realizing. I just don’t like being around men that much for the most part, I hate the competition, the chuddiness and everything. Most scum of the earth are men.

All of these factors led me to transition and I now have fake pseudo dysphoria over not being a woman on the inside. That hurts more than me not having a female body sometimes.

Fuck you

I was wondering how possible it would be to petition my academic standing if I had unmedicated ADHD and other unmedicated conditions. I had a failed must repeat term last year and I was only able to get medication at the very end of this semester meaning the medication did not have much time to impact my academic standing positively. What are the odds I get my petition approved if I get medical documentation showing I only recently got access to medication and was dealing with other medical problems back then?