Hahaha the bitches were feelings, just so we’re clear.
Don’t get it twisted.
“Why are you writing to the void” uh, because I can.
Nobody’s comin to stop me the way nobody’s comin to save me.
And that’s chill with me.
Here’s the mf deal:
Either you understand or you don’t lol
But if there’s one thing I’m solid on?
I know how my mind works and honestly? That’s good enough for me, dawg.
I’m chillin lol
FUUUUUUUUCK
AHHHHHHHHHHH
PUT EM BACK IN THE FUCKIN BOX THESE BITCHES ARE SO FUCKIN INTENSE. YIKES.
AHHHHHHHH
;-;
Why the fuck am I like this?..
I deserve to get these bitches hurt I let em out of the box.
After being confused the way I was?
Thinking I was just filling a fantasy?
Nah. I fucked up. Bad. Not even realizing it.
So I deserve to get my feelings torn to shreds every single time I let them out of the fucking box they’re overflowing.
And those bitches are volatile.
I’m so tired hahaha and sad this is so stupid.
I’m fucking stupid.
Jfc this is why my dad fucking beat me haha
Fml.
The only person ripping them apart is me let’s be fucking real.
And I think this is why I isolate so hard.
I can’t hurt anyone being confused and dumb and not understanding the assignment if I just… stay away.
I’m so sorry…
I wish I could go back and just beat the fucking breaks off myself bc what the fuck was I thinking?
I wasn’t.
And the fucking guilt eats me the fuck alive because I can’t protect you from… my inability to fucking read between the lines.
From me.
And maybe I’m spiraling and bracing for something that’s not even happening. I just know how fucking angry I am.
But not with anyone outside of myself. I’m so fucking mad at myself for being such a piece of fucking literal human trash.
Haha maybe I did deserve the shit that happened. Eternal suffering.
My own personal fucking hell is my own fucking mind.
Fuck.
Watch. Give it a bit and I bet we swing to the other side of the mood spectrum. In a single day. Bc when aren’t I moody?
Prime definition of stupid bitch? Yeah that’s me lol
FML.
“You used to be much muchier.”
A line I’ve heard that white rabbit spew when I was small.
And then it started to show up in my dreams, over a decade after I last heard that very quote.
“What happened?”, asked the white rabbit with the pocket watch.
And I thought to myself, “Does the white rabbit catching up mean I’m going to lose people?”
So I looked at my feet. I’ve grown very accustomed to looking at my feet because I was told how I never walk straight and that’s why I trip all the time.
So he asked again, “What happened to you?”
How the fuck do I look at this white rabbit with the pocket watch In his paw and become vulnerable again, after it being the very thing that caused those walls to be built?
Mr. Rabbit… they said you get people and take the ones they love…
I’m not scared to love.
I’m scared that it will fall into the wrong hands again.
I might be physically alive… but I cannot tell you how many times I’ve died at the hands of being labeled “too much”.
So now, I’m digestible.
Only down side?
Everyone’s eating me the fuck alive.
I guess that’s why they call me Bambi.
Or Fawn.
Either works I guess. Whichever is easier for you. :)