in one week my parents will find out i’m trans, but not by me
im a 24 year old NB who uses they/them but is toying with the idea of he/they and he/him quite a bit personally and out loud with friends and partner.
i have a pretty public facing profession, that is becoming WAY more public after taking a new job a few weeks ago. in one week, our new website and social media channels will launch to the public and start getting updated daily. while this is awesome and a total career-launcher, it’s got my stomach in a twist.
with this company, i’ve been using they/them exclusively, something i’ve never done before. and with all of our promotion posts to get going, i’m using they/them to describe myself. i’ll also use it in my biography, which will be attached to everything i do on the website. the problem? my parents are extremely trans and homophobic, more so trans in my opinion.
think a christian nationalist, evangelical, narcissistic mother with a clear personality disorder who’s untreated, and a father who loves his kids with all his heart but grew up catholic, huge family, and has been warped worse over time by my mother and trump (not to absolve him of all guilt, of course). also think coming out as sexually queer as a teen and being sent to talk conversion therapy for a year with a church member that they said never happened.
i think my moms a lost cause at this point, as she’s just gotten worse over time, particularly this last year. i have a very close relationship with my dad as the oldest kid, even with our major belief differences.
the point here is, in one week, they will see that launch for my job. while my dad might not get it at first, my mom HUNTS for this kind of information to use as ammo. i’m also pretty sure she’s starting clocking me at 4 months on T. (and saw they/them in my email sign off the other day but said nothing)
what do i do? do i take it as it comes, deny it outright, or let them know? i know ive kind of already decided to blow it up by using they/them publicly, but im scared. my dad just got out of major surgery as well, and my mom is taking care of him, meaning for the first time in 20 years that might actually be getting closer from something that isn’t hate, meaning they may unite on this.