Am I an SLA?
I never thought I was. Even though I’ve cheated emotionally and or physically in all long term relationships bar one (current)…
So that would be from the time I was 19 to 33: 3 long term relationships messed up and what I would call tail chasing sprees in between.
I have been accused (?) of being one in the past, but I didn’t feel like I was truly addicted to sex. And I might not be.
The truth is, I love the attention of women. I deeply want to know I’m wanted. Desired.
And for me, nothing hits that spot like attention and / or sex with a woman who is physically and emotionally interested in me.
And now I’m married to an amazing, beautiful woman. And she’s pregnant with our first child.
(I did text some exes early on [of course] she called me out and I got my head right).
I love my wife - I’ve never been happier than when I am with her. I have a good job, a great relationship, a few good friends.
And I do not want to fuck this up.
I guess it’s worth mentioning I am an adult child of an alcoholic. And a survivor of CSA (not family). I’m sure that all plays a part.
I’ve been in therapy on and off and have found it very very helpful. I am a better man and have better relationships with everyone in my life as a result.
But I’ve been looking at some of the comments and threads here and I am seeing some of myself in them. Chasing exes. Workplace flings. Misconstrued ideas. Validation seeking.
Sometimes I feel like I would be okay to throw everything away for another spree of chasing tail. And sometimes in the past it has felt like it’s almost another person acting on my behalf - like I’m observing myself.
Just locking eyes with the girl a few offices down who holds eye contact longer than other women … boy oh boy: What a rush.
Is she into me? I have no idea. But in my head she wants me and that feels good.
And to be fair, that’s a learned behaviour on my part. I feel like I know that look because I’ve seen it before and I’ve acted on it and it’s played off “in my favour”.
I’m not going to act on it. But the feelings are there and sometimes feel like they take up more space in my head than I would like. The itch hangs around.
Until now I’ve wondered if it’s actually my self-esteem issues driving my behaviour and desire for validation.
Is this post just validation seeking? Probably. I don’t know.
If you read this far, thanks.
I guess I want to know what other people who know more about this than me think about what I’ve shared.
Is it possible to live a “normal”, happy life if you have this bug? Is there a risk this bug can turn into other addictions?