I’m only now realizing how much I was surviving, not living
I (30/f ) keep realizing more and more that I didn’t grow up in anything close to “normal”
I just thought I did
Like… emotional neglect was just how families were
like your feelings getting dismissed, your health being minimized, being told things were in your head even when there were real diagnoses behind it all. I had ADHD, thyroid issues, later found out other health stuff too and none of it was really explained or supported properly. It was more like “push through it” or “you’re fine” even when I wasn’t
I was responsible for other peoples emotions way too early. like if I upset someone it felt like I was doing something dangerous
There wasn’t really safety with boundaries either. Or privacy. Or being allowed to just be a kid without feeling watched or judged or corrected.
I was isolated a lot too. Like I learned how to exist alone more than I learned how to exist with people
I think the part that’s messing with me now is realizing how much of that shaped everything after
because later in life I ended up in a lot of unsafe situations and relationships and I kept thinking it was just bad luck or my fault or me being “too much” or not smart enough to avoid it
But now I’m starting to see it was a pattern. Like my sense of normal was built inside survival mode and I didn’t even know it
It feels weird grieving something you didn’t know you were supposed to have.
I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else here had that moment where you realized way later that your “normal” wasn’t actually normal at all and you’re just trying to rebuild yourself from it now