I need to quit drinking.
Hello everyone.
I want to rant for a second, hopefully I can keep it short.
At least from my point of view this is pointless, but I don't want to mindlessly talk to an AI or go through the long process of journaling.
Journaling is helpful, it's just I would appreciate some replies from other people on this matter.
I'm a senior in high school.
For whatever reason my dumbass thought "alcohol is cheaper than going to therapy".
The reason why I even started doing this is just because I feel unlovable.
For the sake of this, I'll just let y'all know I'm 19.
I decided to try dating at around 17.
Nothing serious or anything like that, just looking for new friends to hang out with.
However, I would be lying if I said I wasn't imagining scenarios where I somehow end up in a relationship.
Over this period of about 2 years-ish I've started conversations with maybe over 200 girls.
I got maybe around 50 to reply back or maybe just have simple small talk that would last like 10 minutes and then everything goes silent.
Out of those 50, I've had talking stages with just 4, out of 4, I've only managed to meet up with just 2, from those 2, I saw 1 just once and then never again, and the other one actually lasted for some while, but I cut her off because she was low-key leading me on.
Long story short, I'm just drinking because I just don't know how to process the feeling of being rejected all the time.
At first I thought "oh well, if they just reject me instantly that's good, I get to save time and move on".
But it feels like I just wasted so much time on speed running through rejections too.
I'm not even trying to be romantic or formal, I'm just trying to go to the movies or hang out in the park and stuff like that.
I don't know why, but to some extent I started enjoying this sentiment of being "forever lonely" or any corny shit like that.
I don't know why I even chose to drink in the first place either.
At first, blacking out felt satisfying, now it just makes me feel horrible.
I don't even know why I'm overreacting like this for just getting rejected.
I feel like if I get rid of these pessimistic feelings maybe I can get rid of this stupid ass habit.
Any advice would help a lot, thank you!