u/WardensRose

I dont want to wake up and try anymore. I start a new job today and I feel like it’s pointless. My partner is so upset that it’s disgusting in our house because of me. I don’t want to live like this but I don’t have it in me to try anymore. I want to SH just to feel something. I don’t want to fight anymore. Nobody cares what goes on with me. It’s been months since anyone has messaged me. I actually hope my partner leaves bc I do not want to try anymore. Fucking hurts.

I hit my highest weight in 10 years and I’m so disgusted today. I’m so alone. I can’t even talk about this with my partner because they’ll tell me to shut up about it and cook for them. My house is disgusting and my partner doesn’t care so long as the food is made. I feel like our lives just revolve around food. I hate it. My partner makes 10 million lists and plans and demands I proofread it and approve it for them but they don’t get out of bed until 5PM every day. New routine, new agenda, new diet, every week. All plans, no actions. I know it won’t work because we’re both spiraling in this disorder. I eat and eat and eat. I’m starting a new job soon and I’m so happy to be away from this place and praying I can stop this way of living and fill the void with busy work. I feel so overwhelmed while doing nothing. Constant food noise in my head. Constantly on my phone. Constantly trying to escape my thoughts. Sorry for the vent. I want to stop this cycle so bad