(Sorry in advance for any mistakes, I translated this from my language)
Hello everyone, I need some help. I feel lost, but above all, I’m extremely sad. I (37, non-monogamous) have been in a relationship with a man (37, polyamorous) who is perfect for me in every way since June 2025. We had known each other for two years on Instagram when we decided to meet in person, and it was love at first sight.
When I met him, he was still with the mother of his children; their 14-year relationship wasn’t going very well, and they decided to split up a few months later. He also had a second partner whom he sees about once every two or three months.
We’ve had a very passionate relationship from the start, and we’ve had our ups and downs. Every challenge has brought us closer together. I find it hard that he doesn’t want to prioritize his relationships, but I’m working hard on my self-esteem so that it doesn’t affect my sense of feeling special. He lives about an hour and a half from my place, but we spent a lot of time together between October and February since he didn’t have a regular job at the time.
I’m currently in school; I still have at least two years left at university while working full-time. At the start of our relationship, we talked about living together someday, and he seemed enthusiastic about the idea. That plan is on hold for now since I want to finish my studies before moving out of my apartment, and since he has two young children—I’m not ready to live with kids.
Recently, he told me that he realizes he’s a solo polyamorous person. He basically told me that he no longer wants to plan on living together. He wants our meetings to be based on our own choice to see each other, not on one of us imposing our presence on the other. He also told me that he doesn’t like the concept of an open relationship because it implies always returning to the same core group or the same primary partner afterward.
Personally, when I love someone, I always want to see my partner. I don’t need to be in my partner’s presence all the time, but I love sharing my daily life, sleeping with someone, cooking together, chatting after work…
I feel like I’m going to miss out on a wonderful relationship if I don’t let go of my need to live with my partner. Is it unreasonable of me to want to live with my partner at 37, even if they’re into non hierarchical polyamory?
How can I find a solution?