So.. after 2.5 years of moving on from a 5-year relationship, I wanted to give love another try. Carrying all my lessons and scars from my failed long-term relationship, I decided to start dating again but this time with better boundaries.
Saan pa ba ako pupunta edi sa Bumble. Haha. Plus, I heard from a (straight woman) friend na Facebook Dating yields good matches, and so the search for Mr. Right begins. Haha.
Swipe left. Swipe right. Paulit-ulit for hours on end, and by the end of the day, I made several matches. 5 to be exact. Not bad for someone with a below average face card.
I initiated the conversation. Wave. Sagot sa prompt. Asked them how their day was. In all fairness, nagrespond naman yung 5, but only 2 of them gave lively responses.
I tried carrying the conversation. I asked genuine questions based on their profile and tried to lead the conversation to deeper topics only to get crickets for hours or an unenthusiastic “haha kaya nga eh” as a response.
Same thing happened the next day. Matched with new people. Engaged. Dropped. And the day after that. And after that. And a week after, mangilan-ngilan na lang yung mga nagrerespond sa akin. Most of them, spaced out for days bago magreply.
New matches came in, pero parang napagod na ako after a week. A week of trying to find someone to date, and I feel so drained already. I deleted my account and decided to rest muna.
I’m not exactly sure what went wrong. I asked the right questions and showed genuine interest to their lives. They already know what I look like, so I feel like appearance is a small factor in the equation after matching. Unless namali ng swipe, in which case, not responding will send a clear message. But, no. Nagmemessage pa rin sila.
What I noticed though is most people (or maybe just those with whom I matched with) don’t want to give effort in the “getting to know” phase, which is weird considering na part yun ng initial dating process.
I know it’s exhausting. It’s exactly what I’m feeling right now. But, if you don’t exert effort in the early parts of the dating process, what kind of effort your future partner can expect from you? What if you’re already talking to the person you’ve been praying for for years, but you lost them with your unenthusiastic two-word response.
We all want to be yearned and loved with a burning passion, but we don’t even make an effort to light the candle.
Hindi naman ako desperate. Gusto ko lang ulit mafeel yung kilig. I’m not looking for the next relationship to jump into. I just want to go out on a romantic date and see where it goes. I welcome the prospect of a new relationship, but I’m not rushing into one. Gets ba? Hahaha.
So, every time I get a low-effort, non-chalant, dead-end response, I quickly unmatch them. I will not allow myself to love another low-effort man again. Once is enough. Gusto ko naman mafeel yung reciprocated effort.
So, my question for those na matagal na sa mga dating apps, eto na ba talaga yung bagong dating scene? Should I brace myself the next time I put myself back in the swipe life? Nakakalungkot naman kung oo.
Advice? Comments? Anything? Gusto ko lang din siguro malaman na hindi lang ako yung ganito yung nararamdaman.