Recently diagnosed with Bipolar 2, BPD, MDD, Anxiety and PMDD(possibly)
Obviously a lot of these have overlapping symptoms etc so I’m taking some of this with a grain of salt. All of the other diagnosis makes sense to me except the bipolar 2. I was told by a different doctor years ago who didn’t really do a super in depth analysis that I was OCD and I’ve tried many different meds - none have really worked for me. Anti psychotics, SSRI’s and now I’m currently just on Zoloft and feel more depressed and lost than ever.
I’ve been looking into everything more since I got diagnosed bc I never even considered the idea that I had bipolar bc I never felt like it matched my symptoms, especially based on reading things from other people online. I have never self harmed, I never had any crazy manic episode, never been hospitalized. Have I had suicidal thoughts? Who hasn’t. But I’m not suicidal by any means.
In high school I did drugs and made bad decisions sexually and in friendships, but my biggest issues was always been my crazy mood swings - it’s affected all of my friendships and relationships. I rarely feel any “highs” and feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore. Every once in a while I’ll feel like myself and have a confidence boost or urge to shop to feel good or do something outside of the norm/book a trip spontaneously but I wouldn’t consider that manic. Most of the time I just feel extremely empty and almost sad but it’s very hard for me to actually feel sadness. It’s mostly just like numbness and feeling like a shell of a person. Like I don’t even feel like a person and just have no interest in anything. I have no sense of identity anymore.
I’m 32 and as I’ve gotten older the symptoms changed from erratic mood swings and anger and guilt to just emptiness and coldness and detachment from reality. I work a part time job and own a business and have no motivation to put anything into my business. I don’t have the confidence or desire but I keep trying (the bare minimum) bc I’ll feel like a loser and failure if I don’t even have that since I have no money saved (got into a lot of debt) and no college degree or other skills. Sorry went way off topic but figured I’d give some back story. I just don’t think the bipolar is correct. BPD sounds way more accurate but I know there are similar symptoms so what do yall think? I feel like what I used to have of myself is just disappearing the older I get and things are just getting worse. At least I used to have ups and downs, but it just feels like these past few years have been depression.