"He's spirited "
Here to vent. 40 yo PROUD dad of two autistic boys ages 2 and 5. Out to dinner with my wife's aunts this past weekend. My oldest has little impulse control and is constantly grabbing things and people. He especially likes grabbing things off of people, such as jewelry and glasses.
The restaurant seated us adjacent to the hostess station. My son grabbed several items at the station, reaching over the glass divider, including a phone. I apologized, explaining that he is autistic. I have no shame or fear of sharing my sons' autism.
Shortly thereafter, he grabbed the waitress's hair while she was at the station. I apologized to her and told her he's autistic.
My wife's aunt, shortly before we left, suggested that I tell people my son is "spirited" instead of using *that word.* I guess it's the "A" word, a bad word?
Of course I bit my tongue. But what I wanted to say? Seriously - fuck you lady. Don't tell me what to do with my son, especially considering you do jack shit for this kid beyond inviting us out to eat a couple times per year. Don't police my speech, insinuating I'm an insensitive asshole for telling people that my son has autism.
I'm not one of these parents who is embarrassed to admit their child has a disability. Special needs families deserve to partake in social events like eating out, however we are obliged to control our kids. I'm on my kids like a fly on shit when we go out. But there are moments when they can do something inappropriate, and my first born is too old to explain bad behavior away as mere toddler/preschool behavior. I feel it necessary to apologize and explain why he did what he did - it was because he is autistic.
"Autism" is not a dirty word.