BF admitted his porn addiction - mixed feelings
Hi all,
Told to post here as it got removed from another community
Looking for some advice and comfort I suppose. Would love to hear from people who have PA or partners with it.
If you look at my post history you’ll see that penetrative sex with my partner has been an issue from the start of our relationship. We have had many conversations about why he thinks he can’t finish or stay hard during PIV. These convos have always been gentle and I’ve been as mindful as possible not to place blame or ever seem annoyed at it.
A few days ago we tried to have sex and he couldn’t get hard (wanked, put it in and immediately went soft again). We stopped and had the conversation again (I recommended maybe seeing a doctor) when all of a sudden he got quiet and admitted that he thinks he has a porn addiction/death grip problem. I was a little taken aback as we have talked about porn before and he’s said he rarely uses it and only masturbates a couple times a week. Turns out it’s daily/multiple times a day whilst we’ve been LD for the past 8 months. But he says the addiction goes back to his pre-teens.
I am so hurt that he’s lied to me for the better part of two years and from a selfish perspective I’m pissed that he knew I was blaming myself for his lack of arousal during sex and he’s let me hold that weight this whole time (even though he never blamed me and reassured me etc). He also admitted that he thinks of porn during sex in an attempt to stay hard - this was horrible to hear as I have crippling self esteem issues and the thought that I’m not enough came crashing down all over again.
He’s since signed up to therapy and says he won’t be using porn at all anymore. But I am so hurt and feel like a fool.
Does anyone have any advice on how to handle any of this? How to not let my self esteem plummet any further?
I feel so worthless and undesired.
Thanks!
Edit: after giving him multiple chances and telling him to come clean about it all (and him promising he had) I found out this morning that he’d been still using porn more recently than he said and that he’d visited those horrific AI websites that undress women without their consent. He’d saved a photo of a women he knows with the intention of doing this to her. I am so disgusted.