i dont fit in
i love my culture and my people so much, as a canadian born punjabi the disconnect is already there, and as a young insecure child i used to sometimes be ashamed of being indian and punjabi but i regret that sm and wish i could talk to little me.. i have grown to love my culture so much so i get emotional talking about it. i want brown girl friends so bad, but i just feel like i dont fit in. i often get told i dont look punjabi or indian and idk if that is a part of the reason (edit: everytime i get told this i do not appreciate it and i am always quick to correct anyone, apne or not) but everytime i have gotten the chance to be a apart of a brown friend group, the girls especially never like me or make me feel welcomed, and men are already hard to be friends with because they usually have an ulterior motive. the chugliya are very much real even with the new generation and everyone loves to have preconceived notions off just how you look, dress, or the bs they have heard. i dont have a lot of cousins and never really had that close in age punjabi friend/cousin group experience. I YEARN FOR IT because only we truly understand eachother and our niche experiences with our culture and upbringing, especially canadian born punjabis. i wish our people were more welcoming, and understanding of eachother. this is just a rant, hoping to see if anyone relates.