[In Progress] [10k] [Dark-Fantasy] A Whisper
Hello everyone, let's start with the blurb !
Blurb -
Zenalyan is the greatest weapon the Order of Melkna has ever forged and somewhere along the way, her duty consumed everything else she was.
The last Mald claimed her master forty years ago. Since then, she has led in his place, watching her once-formidable warriors crumble around her.
When the Annual Gathering is disrupted with proof that the Malds have returned, Zenalyan rides ahead of her men, with a dark hope: that this time, the fight might finally end her. Because even the continent's finest warriors may falter before monsters that once destroyed kingdoms.
But instead, amid the chaos, she finds Gal. Alive. The man she loved, who abandoned her decades ago. And as the White Plains falls apart, Zenalyan is caught between the duty that swallowed her when he left—and the very man who reminds her she was meant to be more than a weapon.
---
Great, if you read this, maybe the blurb hooked you enough to read what comes next !
I need eyes to point out things I don't see on every aspects of the story. What you felt while reading all of this. Please give me your honest and constructive critique !
---
Excerpt -
“What a great fight!” I welcomed them.
A blade of magic shimmered into existence—too fast, too quiet. I ducked—barely. The blade sliced through where my neck had been, severing a lock of hair. His hood slipped back. Fury lit his face.
“Where is this coming from?” I lifted a hand to still my two companions. My pulse battered my ribs. I’d met him like this a thousand times in my head.
“You never thought this moment would come, Id’Iane?” he lowered his hood the rest of the way.
“Gal.” One look at his face and the warmth I’d chased for so long came flooding back.
And this time, he wasn’t running. Yet. My hand moved to smooth my hair. I forced it down.
He misunderstood me. I knew exactly where this was coming from. I had waited decades for it.
“The next one won’t miss, Princess,” he said. “It won’t end like it did when you left me dying beside my slaughtered brothers.”
“You mean when I spared your life—and Saki’s?” I leaned just enough to catch sight of his sister behind him.
He didn’t flinch.
“You mean the day killing you would have been easier than faking your execution?”
His mouth parted. Nothing came out.
“I needed you,” I pressed, laying a hand against his chest and meeting his eyes. One wrong word and he’d vanish again as he always did. “I kept finding you—and you kept running from me,” I said, voice quiet enough that only he could hear. “After all we were, you never believed your life was spared by will, not chance.” The words pushed past the knot in my throat. For a heartbeat, something flickered in his eyes—then shuttered.
I let my finger linger. “You can stay.”
“Or you can go,” I drew my hand back, walking away before I begged him to stay. Each step felt wrong, my feet unwilling to carry me from him. My heartbeat drummed in my ears. Behind me, nothing. No footsteps yet.
If I saw him leaving again—
---
Thanks for reading !