u/Tryingtolive_123

Hy everyone. I don’t really know why I’m making this post, but I feel like I can’t handle all of this alone anymore. I want to share my story from the beginning.

I’m a 23-year-old gay man from India.

Since childhood, I’ve had many health problems. I have asthma, dust and pollen allergies, eye allergies, and a few other issues. I used to get sick very often and was even hospitalized twice when I was younger. Because of all this, my parents have always been very protective about my health. Even now, if I run a little or lift something heavy, I get short of breath. During winter, I often get asthma attacks, and my eye allergies cause a lot of problems too. I’ve been dealing with these health issues since I was around 4 years old.

Because of this, I was never really able to make friends. In school, I had a few classmates I talked to until around 8th grade, but after that, I became completely alone. I never had real friends.

As I grew older, I realized that I was attracted to boys. At the same time, I was extremely skinny (I still am), and because of that my voice sounded feminine and still does little bit. From class 9 to 12, people made fun of me constantly—both for how skinny I was and for how my voice sounded. Some classmates would even measure my forearms and biceps just to laugh at how thin I was. They were also very homophobic.

Those years destroyed my confidence.

In class 10, I became very angry and emotionally unstable, probably because of everything I was experiencing. I even had a big fight with my siblings, and since then, we haven’t really spoken . We still live in the same house, but we don’t talk. They go out together, spend time together, enjoy life—and I’m always alone.

I stopped trying to make friends. I had been alone for so many years that I got used to it. Even in college, I used to sit alone. It hurt to see other people with their friends, because I wanted that too—but I was too afraid. I thought if I tried to get close to people, they would make fun of my skinny body again. And if they found out I was gay, it would be even worse. So I never tried.

In 2023, I discovered gay apps. I thought maybe I could finally make friends there, because everyone there would be gay or bi and I wouldn’t have to hide who I am. But I was wrong. Nobody seemed interested in friendship—everyone only wanted sex.

I had sex for the first time in January 2023, and honestly, it felt good. After that, I met more people—sometimes just to talk, sometimes for hookups. I thought maybe even if I couldn’t find real friends, at least I could have a few people to talk to.

Things felt okay for a while.

Then in 2025, I moved to another city for some work. I thought maybe a new city would mean a fresh start. Maybe I could meet new people and finally make some friends.

But again, I was wrong.

There too, most people only wanted sex. I met some guys through Grindr, and I had unprotected sex with a few of them. I asked if they were safe. They all said yes. I trusted them.

That was the biggest mistake of my life.

Now I’ve tested positive for HIV.

I’ve started ART, and I know treatment works, but mentally I feel broken.

When I found out I was HIV positive, I couldn’t sleep for two days. I barely slept at all. I completely lost my appetite, and honestly, that is still happening. My mind feels constantly heavy.

After testing positive, I had to go to the ART center alone. For three days, I stood in lines for hours, gave blood samples, did more tests, and went through counseling—all by myself. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

I had no one with me. No one I could talk to. No one I could tell.

During counseling, the doctors asked me many personal questions, and I felt extremely ashamed and uncomfortable answering them. But somehow, I answered everything.

They told me I should tell at least one family member, because I’m already physically unhealthy, and if my health gets worse in the future, I may need someone to help me or take me to the hospital.

But I feel too scared to tell anyone.

My whole life, I dreamed of having just one real friend—someone I wouldn’t have to hide my sexuality from. I dreamed of having a boyfriend who would truly love me. I dreamed of moving abroad someday and building a better life for myself.

I still want those things.

But now everything feels impossible.

I feel like no one will want to be my friend or my boyfriend anymore because I’m HIV positive.

No one in my family knows. I don’t have close friends. I don’t have a job. My health is already fragile, and now this feels like one more burden on top of everything else.

I keep thinking about the future and what will happen if I end up completely alone.

What if I never have a real friend? What if I never find a boyfriend? My parents won’t be here forever.

These thoughts scare me so much.

I honestly don’t know how to move forward.

If anyone has gone through something similar—or if anyone has advice—I would really appreciate hearing from you.

Right now, I just want to know if life can still get better from here.

Hi everyone. I don’t really know why I’m making this post, but I feel like I can’t handle all of this alone anymore. I want to share my story from the beginning.

I’m a 23-year-old gay man from India.

Since childhood, I’ve had many health problems. I have asthma, dust and pollen allergies, eye allergies, and a few other issues. I used to get sick very often and was even hospitalized twice when I was younger. Because of all this, my parents have always been very protective about my health. Even now, if I run a little or lift something heavy, I get short of breath. During winter, I often get asthma attacks, and my eye allergies cause a lot of problems too. I’ve been dealing with these health issues since I was around 4 years old.

Because of this, I was never really able to make friends. In school, I had a few classmates I talked to until around 8th grade, but after that, I became completely alone. I never had real friends.

As I grew older, I realized that I was attracted to boys. At the same time, I was extremely skinny (I still am), and because of that my voice sounded feminine and still does. From class 9 to 12, people made fun of me constantly—both for how skinny I was and for how my voice sounded. Some classmates would even measure my forearms and biceps just to laugh at how thin I was. They were also very homophobic.

Those years destroyed my confidence.

In class 10, I became very angry and emotionally unstable, probably because of everything I was experiencing. I even had a big fight with my siblings, and since then, we haven’t really spoken . We still live in the same house, but we don’t talk. They go out together, spend time together, enjoy life—and I’m always alone.

I stopped trying to make friends. I had been alone for so many years that I got used to it. Even in college, I used to sit alone. It hurt to see other people with their friends, because I wanted that too—but I was too afraid. I thought if I tried to get close to people, they would make fun of my skinny body again. And if they found out I was gay, it would be even worse. So I never tried.

In 2023, I discovered gay apps. I thought maybe I could finally make friends there, because everyone there would be gay or bi and I wouldn’t have to hide who I am. But I was wrong. Nobody seemed interested in friendship—everyone only wanted sex.

I had sex for the first time in January 2023, and honestly, it felt good. After that, I met more people—sometimes just to talk, sometimes for hookups. I thought maybe even if I couldn’t find real friends, at least I could have a few people to talk to.

Things felt okay for a while.

Then in 2025, I moved to another city for some work. I thought maybe a new city would mean a fresh start. Maybe I could meet new people and finally make some friends.

But again, I was wrong.

There too, most people only wanted sex. I met some guys through Grindr, and I had unprotected sex with a few of them. I asked if they were safe. They all said yes. I trusted them.

That was the biggest mistake of my life.

Now I’ve tested positive for HIV.

I’ve started ART, and I know treatment works, but mentally I feel broken.

When I found out I was HIV positive, I couldn’t sleep for two days. I barely slept at all. I completely lost my appetite, and honestly, that is still happening. My mind feels constantly heavy.

After testing positive, I had to go to the ART center alone. For three days, I stood in lines for hours, gave blood samples, did more tests, and went through counseling—all by myself. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

I had no one with me. No one I could talk to. No one I could tell.

During counseling, the doctors asked me many personal questions, and I felt extremely ashamed and uncomfortable answering them. But somehow, I answered everything.

They told me I should tell at least one family member, because I’m already physically unhealthy, and if my health gets worse in the future, I may need someone to help me or take me to the hospital.

But I feel too scared to tell anyone.

My whole life, I dreamed of having just one real friend—someone I wouldn’t have to hide my sexuality from. I dreamed of having a boyfriend who would truly love me. I dreamed of moving abroad someday and building a better life for myself.

I still want those things.

But now everything feels impossible.

I feel like no one will want to be my friend or my boyfriend anymore because I’m HIV positive.

No one in my family knows. I don’t have close friends. I don’t have a job. My health is already fragile, and now this feels like one more burden on top of everything else.

I keep thinking about the future and what will happen if I end up completely alone.

What if I never have a real friend?
What if I never find a boyfriend?
My parents won’t be here forever.

These thoughts scare me so much.

I honestly don’t know how to move forward.

If anyone has gone through something similar—or if anyone has advice—I would really appreciate hearing from you.

Right now, I just want to know if life can still get better from here.

Hi everyone. I don’t really know why I’m making this post, but I feel like I can’t handle all of this alone anymore. I want to share my story from the beginning.

I’m a 23-year-old gay man from India.

Since childhood, I’ve had many health problems. I have asthma, dust and pollen allergies, eye allergies, and a few other issues. I used to get sick very often and was even hospitalized twice when I was younger. Because of all this, my parents have always been very protective about my health. Even now, if I run a little or lift something heavy, I get short of breath. During winter, I often get asthma attacks, and my eye allergies cause a lot of problems too. I’ve been dealing with these health issues since I was around 4 years old.

Because of this, I was never really able to make friends. In school, I had a few classmates I talked to until around 8th grade, but after that, I became completely alone. I never had real friends.

As I grew older, I realized that I was attracted to boys. At the same time, I was extremely skinny (I still am), and because of that my voice sounded feminine and still does. From class 9 to 12, people made fun of me constantly—both for how skinny I was and for how my voice sounded. Some classmates would even measure my forearms and biceps just to laugh at how thin I was. They were also very homophobic.

Those years destroyed my confidence.

In class 10, I became very angry and emotionally unstable, probably because of everything I was experiencing. I even had a big fight with my siblings, and since then, we haven’t really spoken . We still live in the same house, but we don’t talk. They go out together, spend time together, enjoy life—and I’m always alone.

I stopped trying to make friends. I had been alone for so many years that I got used to it. Even in college, I used to sit alone. It hurt to see other people with their friends, because I wanted that too—but I was too afraid. I thought if I tried to get close to people, they would make fun of my skinny body again. And if they found out I was gay, it would be even worse. So I never tried.

In 2023, I discovered gay apps. I thought maybe I could finally make friends there, because everyone there would be gay or bi and I wouldn’t have to hide who I am. But I was wrong. Nobody seemed interested in friendship—everyone only wanted sex.

I had sex for the first time in January 2023, and honestly, it felt good. After that, I met more people—sometimes just to talk, sometimes for hookups. I thought maybe even if I couldn’t find real friends, at least I could have a few people to talk to.

Things felt okay for a while.

Then in 2025, I moved to another city for some work. I thought maybe a new city would mean a fresh start. Maybe I could meet new people and finally make some friends.

But again, I was wrong.

There too, most people only wanted sex. I met some guys through Grindr, and I had unprotected sex with a few of them. I asked if they were safe. They all said yes. I trusted them.

That was the biggest mistake of my life.

Now I’ve tested positive for HIV.

I’ve started ART, and I know treatment works, but mentally I feel broken.

When I found out I was HIV positive, I couldn’t sleep for two days. I barely slept at all. I completely lost my appetite, and honestly, that is still happening. My mind feels constantly heavy.

After testing positive, I had to go to the ART center alone. For three days, I stood in lines for hours, gave blood samples, did more tests, and went through counseling—all by myself. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

I had no one with me. No one I could talk to. No one I could tell.

During counseling, the doctors asked me many personal questions, and I felt extremely ashamed and uncomfortable answering them. But somehow, I answered everything.

They told me I should tell at least one family member, because I’m already physically unhealthy, and if my health gets worse in the future, I may need someone to help me or take me to the hospital.

But I feel too scared to tell anyone.

My whole life, I dreamed of having just one real friend—someone I wouldn’t have to hide my sexuality from. I dreamed of having a boyfriend who would truly love me. I dreamed of moving abroad someday and building a better life for myself.

I still want those things.

But now everything feels impossible.

I feel like no one will want to be my friend or my boyfriend anymore because I’m HIV positive.

No one in my family knows. I don’t have close friends. I don’t have a job. My health is already fragile, and now this feels like one more burden on top of everything else.

I keep thinking about the future and what will happen if I end up completely alone.

What if I never have a real friend?
What if I never find a boyfriend?
My parents won’t be here forever.

These thoughts scare me so much.

I honestly don’t know how to move forward.

If anyone has gone through something similar—or if anyone has advice—I would really appreciate hearing from you.

Right now, I just want to know if life can still get better from here.