Anyone else repping because they'd come off as gay as a dude?
I think one of the main reason I'll always repp is I'd always come off as a really fruity guy if I transitioned and that makes me irrationally angry. I'm only into women and tbh gay men have always pissed me off a lot, especially the feminine ones that always hangout with groups of girls. I'd be disgusted with myself constantly being like that. Unfourtanely I am pretty fembrained and still like feminine shit (the colour pink, girls media I liked as a kid, pintrest athestic shit) and have feminine mannerisms and a kind of feminine way of speaking so I'd want to die constantly. I still want to die now. But I feel like this shit would be made 10x worse if I transitioned and went stealth everyone would think I'm fucking gay and like dudes and like dudes inside of me and that makes me exteremely disgusted at myself.
I'm a butchcoper but I do pass as male sometimes somehow despite having a comically feminine body. In college before I dropped out due to becoming a mentally ill degenerate and doing nothing but goon to anime girls and fetish shit and being high 24/7 and essentially becoming a nonfuctional person, a lot of people at my dorm just thought I was a guy solely because I never spoke to anyone or had friends. But when I'd open my mouth they'd say some shit like 'that guy is definitely fruity' if they didn't realize I was a woman and I hated it so much I feel like I genuinely perfer when people view me as an ugly butch lesbian over a fat gay dude. I feel like being an ugly butch lesbian has more aura and is somehow more masculine than being a feminine gay guy.
Also in general being a straight dickless feminine guy who comes off as gay sounds like hell on earth and depresses me. I'm not sure what I've done in my life to be born female, feels like a cruel fucking joke honestly. I would've been an actual chad if I was a guy atleast appearence wise. I'd probably still end up being a fat werido agrophobe anyways but atleast I'd have a penis to fuck shit with and a possibility to have a life I'd want. Self improvement is meaningless because I'll always hate myself for being born female. Also sex sounds incredibly depressing for me ethier way because the only thing I've wanted to do was penetrate women with my dick since I was like 12, which is the only thing I cannot do.I'm getting to the point that it's kind of lame I've never had any girlfriend or anything being that I've know I've liked women since I was like 11 so I think I'm just gonna start telling people I'm a misandrist and 4B instead of telling people I'm gay. Unfourtantly that probably wouldn't work because women can tell I'm checking them out constantly like a guy would, some girl said to my face in highschool that I 'look at her like a piece of meat' so I don't hide it well apparently.