Almost a year since I saw him, and I feel tremendous relief and peace.
My divorce should be finalized within the next month. In couples therapy, he acted like he would do a kitchen table divorce. But in reality, my lawyer had to threaten him with fees to get him to sign. He delayed every step of the divorce process.
I found out my ex husband, who I believed to be 100% straight, was on sniffies messaging men pictures of his penis and face with the most graphic messages and plans to meet up. I’ll never know if he ever met up with anyone. He also was talking to an ex girlfriend, a female coworker, trans women on only fans, and god knows who else. His need for supply seemed endless.
In addition to this, I found out he had been talking shit on me, his wife, to anyone who would listen: his friends, family, co workers. But of course never would say the truth of what was really going on. I also found out he had a porn and weed addiction, that he still claims to not have. “I can stop if I want to.” 😂
Every time I thought I was seeing something, he would lie to me and throw me off the scent. Soon I realized I had to record things so that I could know that what I saw or heard really happened. He would lie about anything he could.
The cruelty he put me through after I discovered his sniffies account was horrendous. He pretended like he cared at first, but then started to play victim and blame me. He put me through more mental games after that than I care to admit. It took me 3 months of me playing detective and him running and hiding for me to finally end it for good. I was with him for about 8 years, with almost 3 married. I think the reason it took me 3 months to fully cut it off was the shock of it all. I really couldn’t believe my eyes and ears. I still can’t believe it today, but I do accept it.
After I kicked him out of the house, he kept me on a string by confusing me and just doing more fucked up things to me. I would ask him questions, beg him for the truth, and he would just tell lies or give vague answers or just ignore what I asked.
Finally, almost a year ago, I drove out to his mom’s house to see him. This surprised him and he refused to see me at his mom’s house and said his mom wouldn’t let me in. I got him to meet me at a local ice cream shop. I finally got some answers, and knew that it was done. I saw what I needed to see.
I’ll be no contact a full year this June. It feels really good. The first few months of no contact were really brutal, but after months 3/4, it got much better.
It does get better! I never thought it would. I am so relieved and happy to be away from this abusive man. I never knew a thing about narcissism before any of this happened. But he is a textbook narcissist. It all made sense once I figured it out. Once I caught him in a lie, his mask started to slip and slip until it was on the floor and he couldn’t pick it up anymore. He knew I saw him for who he really was. He put on quite a show for the time I was with him.
To anyone going through it, you can do it! It will get better. Hang in there.